Santa Was A Jerk To Rudolph

What an arse.

I just recently re-watched the Rankin-Bass classic Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, as I always tend to do this time of year. One thing that really stuck out was just how much Hermey the Dentist looks like Conan O'Brien. But that's not what we're here to talk about today. We're here to talk about the rude jerk-hole treatment Rudolph took from one Mr. Santa Claus.

When Rudolph was born with that glowing red schnoz, even his own daddy didn't like it. Well, it's common for parents to find faults in their children.Just look at your own kids. You'll find all kinds of faults in their perfect little faces.  This one time, I was watching a Bruins vs Leafs game with Ryleigh and she said, "Daddy, I just want the blue team to win."  See, nobody's perfect.

But in Rudolph's case, even Santa took pot shots at the lil' baby reindeer right after he was born. If that wasn't enough, Santa went on to tell Donner that he should "be ashamed of himself". Wow... Santa can be pretty harsh. Must be all the pre-Christmas stress.

But when Santa needs Rudolph's help, his attitude changes completely. Santa never went out in the cold looking for Rudolph. He didn't square off against The Snow Monster. Nope. No sir. Ah, but that beautiful glowing red nose can see through a snowstorm... way to go Santa. He doesn't want Rudolph as a friend. He just wants another minion. I'm 92% sure that Santa only stopped by the Island of Misfit toys because he was short on his production quota, no thanks to a certain Conan O'Brien look-a-like leaving to be a dentist.

So the next time you watch this holiday classic, keep an eye out for Santa. He might be out to use you next.

Oh, and if you're a big nerd like me, pay attention to Hermey and you'll realize he has the same voice as Peter Parker/Spider-Man from the 1960s cartoon!

- ryan of the ryan fan club