Showing posts with label elvis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elvis. Show all posts

Monday, February 22, 2016

The Elvis Interview

 I had the great opportunity to chat with Elvis, and here's how it all went down...

Ryan: Hey King! First off, I wanna say just how much of an honor this is for me. I have always been a big fan of your music.

Elvis:

Ryan: Uh... okay. I guess you're probably a little shy, seeing as how you haven't really been in the spotlight that much over the last few years.

Elvis:

Ryan: How do you feel about the recent re-mixes of your songs? Is today's generation so over-glittered with stars like Britney, Justin, and Patsy Cline that there just isn't any room for the King anymore?

Elvis:

Ryan: That's okay. It's a hard question. I'll give you some time to think it over. But while you're here, I just want you to know that I'm a big fan of the song Suspicious Minds. May I ask where the inspiration for that song came from?

Elvis:

Ryan: Uh... not much of a talker there, are ya King? That's fair. I mean, someone of your talent and super stardom probably doesn't want to be associated with a half-talent like myself.

Elvis:

Ryan: Okay, moving along. Last year the music industry was saddened by the sudden death of the great David Bowie. How does that make you feel, especially since you're career has had the same kind of longevity? Do you think you'll be remembered after death in the same way that Mr. Bowie is?

Elvis:

Ryan: Do you ever look back upon it and say to yourself, "Wow, I can't believe the influence I've had on other artists over the years..."?

Elvis:

Ryan: Who would you say are your biggest influences?

Elvis:

Ryan: Uh... have you ever had influenza?

Elvis:

Ryan: Well, golly, look at the time! I really should get back to finishing up my new poem "Jailbait Rock". I want to thank you so much for your time, your patience today, and everything you've contributed to so many people's lives. Hope to see you around again sometime.

Elvis: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Top 11 Practical Vagina Uses

Top 11 Practical Vagina Uses
This one comes to us from RFC Newzinetter #5.

11. You can keep your bus fare safe in there.
10. Handy-dandy balloon blower-upper.
09. Cook a turkey in there for dinner.  It’ll take approximately two to three hours, tops.
08. Decoration.
07. Emergency coast guard siren.
06. Paint mixer.
05. Five-disc CD changer.
04. Shoe polisher.
03. Elvis impersonator.
02. You know how some people will lick their fingers when they’re counting money?
01. Registered P.O. Box.

Sunday, November 2, 2014

An Extra Hour

Here's a new poem titled, "An Extra Hour".  I thought it was fitting, considering we "gained" an hour of sleep last night.

An Extra Hour
written by Ryan Matthew Ewing

I have an extra hour
And you do too
But unlike He-Man, I don't have the power
So with this extra sixty minutes, what should we do?

We could sleep in a little bit past the chime
And dream of all the great things that float in my mind
Like having you and your friend at the same time
But if I think too hard about that I'll surely go blind
So maybe I'll use the extra hour to spend with Elvis on 45
Oh, I know the King is good n' dead these days
But wouldn't it be nice to have him good n' alive
But I bet I'd get bored of that hip-shaking phase

With an extra hour I could clean the whole house!
Sweep, mop, vacuum...  anything but the toilets really
I mean, I ain't the one wearing the gloves and the blouse
So I'll chip in, but only do so much ideally
I guess with an extra hour I could shave my legs
It's not something I've ever done or considered
I'm assuming it would take me the full hour to do those pegs
They'd probably look all choppy and Margot Kiddered

An hour is sixty minutes
Or three episodes of Full House (if you cut out the opening and end credits)
It's also enough time to make a sweet BASF mix tape, remember those?
An hour is one third of most Wrestlemania shows.
Except for Wrestlemania IV.. that one was friggin' long
An extra hour long

Is an extra hour really enough to have pasted?
By the time you decide what to do
You've used up ten minutes already wasted
I know what I'll do
I'll use this extra hour to write a silly poem for you

- ryan