RRFC (Retro Ryan Fan Club) #7 - Jam Packed... or Pack Jammed!



Newsletter #10  July 1999

Ryan Fan Club Newsletter #10 was the biggest newsletter I had done yet.  It was two pages long, and was stuffed with more writing than I had ever done in any newsletter previously.

And yet it was one of the easiest ones to produce, because 90% of it was memories that had been sent in by Fan Club Members who were trying to win a VHS of 1987: The Ryan Fan Club Motion Picture.  The victory went to "Cheeks" (read the newsletter to find out who Cheeks is).

The spring of 1999 was wasted in my friend Adam's basement.  We thought we were wrestlers and did our best to copy the WWF moves in his basement.  I was a huge Bret Hart fan and often applied the Sharpshooter to my friend James DeMoss.  Crofton took a bad knee to the chin once that nearly knocked him out.  Adam had a jug full of water spit in his face.  And Chris would show up randomly at times and kick us in the balls, just so he could shout "STUNNER!"

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Basement wrestling was a lot of fun, and I'm surprized nobody ever got seriously hurt from it.  I took a big suplex from Crofton once onto Adam's bed (tell that doesn't sound gay), and the wrestling move made the bed collapse to the floor.  So Adam put some large coffee cans underneath to hold it back up.  Next week, another match with the superstars of wrestling, another big suplex, and the coffee cans were crushed too.

I invented my own submission move called The Shotgun.  You pretty much bent the guy down, sat on his head, and pulled his arms up from behind.  It pulled at the chest muscles and caused a lot of pain.  Well, I was wrestling Adam for the championship and managed to put him in the Shotgun, but he just wouldn't give up.  He was super-determined to be the champ.  If we really were wrestlers, he would've gotten a huge pop from the crowd.  No doubt about it.

Now, I don't know what caused this next part to happen.  I can't remember what I ate that day, or what beer I had been drinking... but I had to fart and couldn't hold it in.

So I farted on Adam's head while he was in the Shotgun.

And it didn't smell nice.

So he tapped out in a hurry, not from the pain but from the stench, and I (known as Ambush) was still the heavyweight champion of the basement wrestling federation... or whatever we used to call it.

- Ryan