Periods & Erexclamation points

You know, us human beings are pretty funny.

I've always found it so strange how women behave during "that time of the month".  Now, I'm not talking about being bitchy, or cranky, or the usual stereotypes that go along with menstruation.  I'm talking about the lengths women will go to hide the fact they are using a tampon.

Before we go any further, "tampon" is and has always been a funny word.  Go ahead.  Say it out loud a few times.  I can wait.

Finished?  Good.  Let's keep this flowing.

There's a commercial on TV right now that shows a girl taking her purse to the bathroom and suggesting that she needs her debit card in there.  That's a lot of stumbling of words when she could just say, "my cooch is bleeding and the tampon needs changing."

The Majestic Lady Missile

Okay, that might be a bit too straightforward for most people, but I've never bled out of my penis, and if I started today I'd probably call CNN about it. 

And that's the difference between men and women right there.  Or is it?

I would suggest that an erection for a man is along the same lines as a period is for a woman.  No, really, when we have a boner we don't let the rest of the room know about it.  We try to cover it up and hide the fact that someone might find out about it.  Or heaven forbid they see it!  And they realize it's much smaller than we tell everyone it is.

However, when a man is alone with a woman and has an erection he has no problem telling her about it.  Similarly, when that man pulls his package out of the wrapping to do something with it, the woman has no hesitation with telling the man that she's on the rag... errr, on her "monthly friend".  Sorry ladies, I'll try to be more sensitive.  Don't worry, I know I'll fail too.

Of course this whole bleeding thing really does separate the women from the boys.  Once again, if I woke up this morning and Le Canard (the name of my junk, all guys do it) was quacking out blood I wouldn't leave the house.  No debate.

So why is it we can spew out all kinds of information that nobody cares about all through the day (and if you wanna argue this, just read some of your friends' Facebook pages) yet we can't share what's going on with our special areas.  Is it really that embarrassing to be bleeding from your vagina when it happens to every other woman too?  Chances are 1 in 4 women in the room are on their period right now. 

And any man in the room could have an erection at any time.  Big deal... errr, that wasn't supposed to be a pun.  But I'm not about to edit it out either.

So the next time you're menstruating, tell someone.  Share that wonderful, healthy, natural news with them.  Unless they're eating.  Hungry bellies and bloody cunts don't mix.

- Ryan