A few years back I compiled an official rulebook for the The Punchbuggy game. Over time, like all sports, the rule book needs to be revised. Certain events happen that make you question a rule, or require an alteration to a rule. I recently took another look at the Guide To Punchbuggies and made some tweaks to help you with physically abusing your friends and family in the proper manner.
Enjoy.
Section 1 - The Outburst
1-1 -In the event of seeing a punchbuggy, the infiltrator (the person who instigates the punch) shall call out the buggy in a manner that which describes it. Example: Red Punchbuggy, No Punch Backs!
1-2 - Punchbuggies can also be called by other features that describe them as being special. Example: Mug Root Beer Punchbuggy, No Punch Backs!
1-3 - Failure to call the "No Punch Backs" leaves you completely open for a punch that can be as hard as your opponent(s) desires.
1-4 - Punchbuggies in a Volkswagen dealership lot are considered "Held in Captivity", and are unavailable for use in the Punchbuggy game. Using one of these buggies is a violation of the rules and must result in the same revenge as rule #4-3.
1-5 - Punchbuggies on television or in photographs, no matter how cool they may be, are not allowed to be used for scoring. Example: You cannot hit someone for the Herbie car while watching "Herbie Fully Loaded", but you can hit someone for seeing a REAL Punchbuggy that looks like Herbie.
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| There's a masturbation joke somewhere here, I just can't seem to find it. |
Section 2 - Tally That Score
2-1 -New Punchbuggies are valued at One (1) Point each. Slugging someone and calling it correctly will give you one point to add on your daily scoreboard.
2-2 - Fancy-Schmancy Buggies (convertible, decorated with ads, multi-colored, missile launcher added) are worth Two (2) Points each.
2-3 - Classic Buggies (a.k.a. "Old-Skool") are valued at Five (5) Points each.
2-4 - By chance if you come across two buggies together, perhaps side by side in a parking lot or back to back on the street, you can effectively call "Double Buggie" after you exclaim, "No Punch Backs." A double buggie is exactly that - you double the points of the buggies you have hit your opponent for. This then applies to "Triple Buggie", in which you can triple the points for three punchbuggies in a row, and so on and so on.
2-5 - Scoring continues until the end of the day, in which the score is reset to zero (0) for each person. This is where your own judgement comes in. The game could not possibly have scores reset at midnight, for example, because one could be winning with a score of 4-3 only to have those points reset before your day has come to and end. Typically, the score is reset to zero when you have fallen asleep for the night.
Section 3 - Tie Braking
3-1 -In the event of two players punching each other and calling at the same time, the victory must be decided via Rock, Paper, Scissors (No dynamite, and no two-out-of-three).
3-2 - If you or your opponent have no hands, then a simple foot race around the block will suffice for the tie break.
Section 4 - Revenge, Sweet Revenge
4-1 -If someone punches you after you have claimed "No Punch Backs" you are legally and morally allowed to punch them again. Repeat as many times as it takes until they stop punching you back when you have clearly called "No Punch Backs".
4-2 - If someone punches you for a car that is in fact not a Punchbuggy you are entitled by all that is good and Holy to punch them back 10 times.
4-3 - At no time will you punch someone for a buggy that has already been called during that day. Doing so gives your opponent the God Given Right to hit you really, really hard. Suck it up, and wait until the next day to use that Buggy again.
Section 5 - Color Disputes
5-1 -There are some Punchbuggies that are odd in color. There's this one that is clearly yellow to me but my lovely wife says it's green. But fuck, it's definitely yellow. However, I enjoy sleeping in my bed and not on the couch so I let her have her green victory every now and again. Gentlemen, keep your women happy. But not too happy, we don't want them to think they can start voting or anything.
5-2 - Sometimes a dark blue can look like black. And vice versa. Use your own judgement when someone makes a mistake. You can choose to just let them have their point because of how close the color was, or you can return the punch with full force and correct their blurry eyes once and for all.
Remember, like all games, The Punchbuggy game is meant to have fun and hurt your friends. If you truly like your friends, you'll hit them with all you've got.
- ryan of the ryan fan club
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