Gosh Darn Sexy

Here's a new poem.  And the silly thing doesn't even rhyme.
I hope you all like it very much!

Gosh Darn Sexy
(written by Ryan Matthew Ewing)

You see me sitting on the couch
Eating potato chips with no shirt on
And the crumbs are all in my chest hair
You think I'm gosh darn sexy
And you're right

I catch a glimpse
In the mirror
I didn't realize I was wearing women's underwear
I think I'm gosh darn sexy...
At least I think that's me
I'm not 100% sure this is my mirror
Maybe I'm looking at a reflection
Of you
In your mirror...
Nope, that's me
I'm gosh darn sexy

You see me picking my nose
(and it's a good one too)
Three knuckles deep with authority
And I totally get it
You know, how you want my body so bad
'Cause I'm gosh darn sexy
And I never even finish the excavation in the nostril
Some sexiness is better left untapped

It's been scientifically proven
By science
That when I walk into a room
The gosh darn sexiness level rises
From fifty-four to fifty-six
Oh yes
Those are two big gosh darn sexy points right there
And they're all mine baby

Just look at me in my bath robe
Tooth brush hangin' outta my mouth
11 o'clock shadow...
But don't look too long
Or you'll turn to stone
And that's not gosh darn sexy
Unless it's me who turns to stone
That's like, really gosh darn sexy

I hate to flaunt it
So it's a good thing I'm humble about it
And I could teach you
To be gosh darn sexy like me
But then you'd cease to exist
Because of some crazy law with the space/time continuum
(For real, I looked it up)
And then I'd miss you
Because you think I'm gosh darn sexy

- ryan