Sorry I'm Not Sorry

me, in 2014 - this year!

Sorry I'm Not Sorry
(...a new poem for the ages... by me, Ryan Matthew Ewing!)

I can tell by the grey in my beard
That I'm gonna have a lot of explaining to do
There's no point in apologizing for the past
And honestly, I don't really want to
That's not who I was, or what I tried to be
But still who I am too
And if I could do it all again I would
Oh yes, I would... wouldn't you?

I had songs about junk and lonely monkeys
And the taste of the butterflies in my stomach
I felt heat from the ones with the filthy rhymes
But mostly that ditty, "do a fat chick"

And all the while I listened to words with meaning
Saying,"Why don't you write a nice tune?"
But when I did, and often, they didn't listen
Believe me, it sometimes still rains in June

me, in 1999 - not this year!

And there's not much left funny about a joke
Where you can't seem to find the punchline
You might read one in a backwards newsletter
I'm not so sure;  That print is quite fine

Being famous for nothing is great (trust me)
Until you start coming up with some "proof"
All of a sudden you're an artist or musician or
Being chased by flesh-eating midgets in a cartoon spoof
(...and don't get me started on the hermaphrodites)

It's fulfilling to belong to a special club all my own
And even better to recognize everyone in town
An ID card is cool, and so is having your name changed
To Jesus Lord Ryan Jon Browne

Yes, I'll ambush a communistic chocolate bar
And from time to time still wear red jeans
But the hair's not coming back
(I'd like to think it's cuddling with Toxika)
And sadly, neither are the 'zines

So I'm so sorry that I'm not that sorry
If I've made you laugh or smile or confused

frig diggity doo.

If you were ever upset, you just didn't get the joke
And hey, at least I was always amused
And I really don't know how I'll explain it all
To my children some day when they inquire
It might start, "Once upon a friggidy ding-dong..."
Then I'll put those kids to work in the choir

I was "fired", then retired, and then un-retired too
And was un-attired nude in newsletter number two
(Actually it was #3, but that doesn't rhyme [look it up!])
And I don't believe in happy endings because
Everything ends badly - if not, it wouldn't end
So I'm so sorry that I'm not that sorry, you see
I have many more brainstorms to attend
So join and be my #1 fan
And those who left for a while can also come back
and blah blah blah, something something or other
Le Canard hasn't had the last quack