Fifteen Fu**ing Years!

Holy smokes, as my daughter would day... it's been fifteen years now since I started the Ryan Fan Club.

I've never been too sure of the exact day this whole shenanigan began (even though I credit it as October 5th in the documentary "Behind The Fan Club") but it's sometime around this time of the year.  I don't think I really need to get into the specifics about how all of this was just a joke that backfired.  I mean, I've friggin' rambled about that enough.  Long story short though, for those of you that are a little newer - I made a sly comment about starting my own fan club... people joined... I've been doing it now for far too long.  And really, there's not sign of me stopping.

Seriously.  I tried retiring in 2011 and couldn't keep myself away.

So rather than some formal trip down memory lane, I'd thought I'd just remind a few of you - and myself - of some of the defining moments of the last fifteen years. 

This also helps me cope with any signs of Alzheimer's I may be experiencing.

The truly odd part of it all is how I've really been working backwards.  I always said I wanted to be famous for doing nothing.  Ever since then, I've actually been doing projects to try and justify why I even have this fan club.  Pretty deep, eh?  Deep like an old French-Canadian vagina.

1998 - an awesome dude named Stephen Desrosiers was the first person to sign up for the Ryan Fan Club, and with that moment, there was no turning back... for any of us.

1999 - I presented the first ever RFC Awards for awesome fans.  I then celebrated with a road trip that left me stranded on the 401 highway and found myself sleeping in some Goodyear Tires office.

1999 - I was with some buddies (Adam and Brian) at the mall and there was this cute girl named Chelsea working at the music store.  I asked my buddies to show her their RFC membership card (yes, those existed for a time being) and inquire if they got a discount for using it.  She was confused of course.  So I explained who I was.  More confusion.  So we left and bumped into a couple girls who were Ryan-Fans.  I then asked them to go to the music store and show off their membership cards and ask for a discount.  Two days later I opened my e-mail and the lovely Chelsea had joined my fan club.  True story.  Awesome.

1999 - It was a crazy summer that saw me pen the first version of my autobiography, film a terrible movie called "1987",  begin The Adventures of Ryan comic strip, release an RFC Yearbook for the fans, and write the Top Ten Mis-Uses of the word 'Vagina'.

1999 - www.ryanfanclub.com launched, and within weeks I was banned from my own website.  Eventually, I figured out what I was doing with computers.

2000 - I took a several month hiatus from the RFC, but tried being all artsy by passing it off as inner conflict between me and my publishers... but I self-published everything, which was really confusing to everyone, and all the fans just kinda thought I was full of shit.  It was a dark time for the rebellion. But I got laid a lot.  Somewhere in all this mess was the Inside-Outside Penis Fiasco from a few blog entries ago.

2001 - I cut off the crazy long hair and started publishing the monthly Ryan Fan Club 'Zine, which ran for over five years.

2002 - I consumed alcohol for 16 hours straight with Chris Morris to celebrate St. Patty's Day.  We became soul mates.

2002 - On a last minute whim I wrote some songs with my buddy Crofton and we played them at Glennstock.  We weren't booed offstage, and those songs became the foundation for an album the next year.  With growing interest in the RFC 'Zine and website, the Fan Club had a resurgence in popularity that exceeded what was happening in '99-00.  I got laid more than ever before. Actually, much of 2002 is a blur to me.  That summer I also met the woman I would take as my first wife.  She's still my only wife, but I feel the need to refer to her as my first wife.

2003 - I recorded my very first CD, titled "Bacon & Eggs".  Instead of doing normal promotion, I made a sign that said, "I love Ryan with all my heart" and had as many people on the street pose with it as I could find.

2004 - For the 6th anniversary of the RFC, I wanted to do something extra special.  After years of toying with the idea, I finally hosted a Fan Appreciation Day.  I barbequed meat for my fans, gave out random prizes, performed songs live for them, then got drunk on cheap beer called Wee Willy (fitting, right?) with them until I barfed like a champ for them. I love my fans from the bottom of my heart.  And stomach.

2005 - On Valentine's Day I received a random phone call from the girlfriend of one of my biggest fans.  She said she was far too poor to actually buy her man a present, but somehow justified paying the long distance charges to call me from Japan.  Anyway, she asked me if, as a gift for the love of her life, I would have a conversation with him.  Of course I agreed to it.  I never told them, but I was having a bubble bath for the entire conversation.  Those two lovers eventually got married, and are still together today.

2005 - My friends Dave and Steve came over for a 24-hour Full House marathon.  We seriously watched the entire first season, including the rare original pilot that had a different Danny Tanner.  I drank myself sober.  It was divine.

2006 - For my third CD ("New Ditty"), I decided to give away a free copy of my song "I Have A Penis" in the RFC 'Zine.  It was a way to let everyone know just how messed up and bizarre my creativity was getting.  The song itself was catchy and loved by everyone who heard it.  You know you love it.  Thanks to Crofton and Johnny San, we created a wacky sound that was kinda infectious.

2007 - I created two big events that year: Pub War and Coffee War.  The second one would actually change my life.  Also that year, I recorded the "Impotence To The Max!" CD with Johnny San.  Unlike the last album, nobody but me and Johnny enjoyed Impotence very much.

2008 - Got married. Honeymooned on the west coast.

2009 - Still disappointed in how the Impotence CD ended up, I recorded "Friggidy Ding-Dong" all by myself.  It was 12 of the silliest, most experimental songs I've ever done, and it's also the most highly regarded of any of my creative projects (except for the 'Zine, which truly was the crowning jewel on the head of Ryan).

2010 - I filmed the documentary "Behind The Fan Club" and  re-united with many fans from over the years for interviews.

2011 - I became a daddy and retired from the RFC.  That retirement lasted a whole six months.

2012 - "Untitled Album" became my 6th album, and my first one available on iTunes.

2013 - I said in my blog that I'd remind my fans of just a few great moments in RFC lore, then went on to ramble way too much as usual.

The end?  Nice try, mother fucker!

- ryan