A Year Without Santa?

...back in 1974, the animating team of Rankin-Bass gave us a Christmas special titled, "The Year Without A Santa Claus."  It detailed an adventure of Santa being too sick to deliver presents to all the girls and boys, so he had to stay home.  It was a neat little show with awful songs but that classic stop-motion animation that made Rudolph such a classic.  In the end, Santa is all better and Christmas goes off without a hitch the next year.  It's kind of like the year the NHLPA was on strike and the Stanley Cup was won by nobody. 

So today I'd like to take that notion of a year without Santa just a little further.  Let's assume that some other characters from our favorite Christmas specials had to take over for the jolly red man after they learned the true meaning of Christmas.  Remember that Tim Allen movie, "The Santa Clause?"  I don't remember all of it, but I'm pretty sure the jist of it is that Tim The Tool-Man Taylor kills Santa in cold blood and then has to don the red suit and sleigh and go on a murdering spree in his absence.  Let's use our imaginations...

Skeletor

Awwwww.

...there was no bigger Christmas miracle than the one realized by Skeletor.  So what did the evil lord of destruction do with his Christmas holidays after he helped He-Man defeat Horde Prime?  Well, we can only assume that Skeletor was instrumental in sending those bratty kids back to Earth.  Then, it only makes sense that he went caroling all across Eternia.  Just imagine your favorite Christmas songs, but with vocals like Axl Rose.  Then, Skelly Claus would have to deliver presents and drink hot cocoa with Granymyr.  I think it's safe to assume that Beast Man got that Easy Bake Oven he's always wanted.

Pee-Wee Herman
...when the Pee-Wee's Playhouse Christmas special ends, we're left we seeing Pee-Wee flying off to help Santa Claus deliver all those presents.  But what happened after that?  I have a striking feeling that when Mr. Herman returned to the Playhouse, he had a new found respect for what Santa does.  But knowing Pee-Wee, he probably had all of his guests start prepping for the next Holiday Season.  We're talking slave labor here.  Hell, he practically had to stop a union from forming with Frankie & Annette.  Couldn't you just see Miss Yvonne sewing purses by the hundreds?  Or Cowboy Curtis painting toy train sets for all the little boys?  If there's anything I'm certain of, it's that Pee-Wee Herman could bring order and procedure to the Holidays.

Know what I mean?

Ernest P. Worrell
...we actually know what Ernest did after his antics in Ernest Saves Christmas.  He went to jail, got scared stupid, and even went to Africa.  But what about the little girl, Harmony, who learned the real value of Christmas?  If we go the darker route, and assume that people never truly change (even those truly touched by Christmas miracles) then we have to believe in our heart of hearts that she went back to living on the streets, selling her body for Canadian Tire money, and doing smack.  Which brings us to...

Rob Ford
...okay, let's be honest here... I'm just throwing this in here because everyone else is making Rob Ford jokes and I want to be one of the cool kids too.  Something about crack... lying... videos... the Toronto Maple Leafs still suck... whatever.  Let's laugh and move on.

Charlie Brown
...after Charlie Brown is taught the true meaning of Christmas from Linus, the two of them embark on a journey of going door-to-door to teach everyone else all about the events of December 25th.  Eventually they realize they're just as bad as Jehovah's Witnesses and decided to go hunting a great pumpkin instead.

Mr. Grinch

"...and this is how all the good whos go poo-poo."

....sometimes miracles can go too far.  The Grinch went from evil, maniacal, madman to Whoville's hero in a matter of hours.  Sure, he returned their Who-bonkers and their Who-crackers, and then he carved the roast beast (oh yes, that seemingly magical animal that never diminishes no matter how many slices you take off).  But then what?  Well, the Grinch could have only been so fueled with Christmas cheer that he made every day like Christmas Day.  Every day those little Whos would open their mailboxes to find Christmas cards.  And presents.  And eggnog.  But the final straw would be the day that the Grinch invited all the local Whos to sit on his lap.  And that would result in his exile from Whoville.  Forever.

So there we have it folks.  A look into "what might have been" territory.  So let's try our best to just cherish our favorite Christmas specials for what they are, and not what they eventually would have become.

- ryan