That Time I Tried To Build a Robot

When I was just a little six year old Ryan Fan Club, my family moved to a new neighborhood.  It was there, at #5 Coventry Cres., that I first started writing and drawing and creating various odd randomness.  But before I started drawing comics and wrestling magazines, I had a completely different creative ambition.

I was a cute kid.  What happened?

I actually tried to build a robot.

Two kids came knocking at the door to meet the coolest new kid in town (me!) and we quickly set out to work on our creation.

"What's your name," I asked the first boy at the door.
"Ryan," He said.  He lived down the street from me and had a friend visiting from out of town," which is how I knew he had been visiting from out of town.  "And this is my friend.  He's visiting from out of town. He's also named Ryan."
"No way," I shouted.  "My name's Ryan too!"
"Yes way!" Ryan from down the street shouted back in typical Wayne's World fashion, even though this was about four years before that SNL skit would become famous.
Then his quiet friend, who if you didn't know had been visiting from out of town, chimed in, "Do you want to build a robot with us?"

The backyard of my new house faced the backyards of the houses behind us, and there was this big space in between both areas.  Those houses were on a street called Rosemund Cres.  I was told when we were moving in that I wasn't allowed to go to Rosemund to play.  Apparently someone had been killed there earlier in the year and that street had garnered a bad reputation and my mom was a bit of a worry wart.

Now, between the two rows of backyards was just this empty space of grassy land.  It kinda dipped down a bit and was never mowed.  We didn't know if it was part of our backyard or not, but it was full of shit.  And I don't mean shit like dog poopie.  I mean random shit.  People who would move out of the Rosemund area would just leave stuff there that they didn't want to move, or when they were evicted their leftover stuff would be tossed into this junk area. 

me on the right, one of the Ryans on the left (not the one who was visiting from out of town that day)

Washing machines, random pipes, broken stereo equipment, tied-up garbage bags full of whatever, broken strollers, crutches, trashed shelving... you name it, it was probably somewhere in that trash pit scattered amongst the couple hundred emptied out Hostess potato chip bags.

1980s Hostess chips!

My new friends, The Ryans (one of whom was visiting from out of town that day) took me to this garbage heap to find the necessary parts for our robot.  Ryan, not entirely sure which one but definitely 80% sure it wasn't me, had brought some masking tape with him to put the robot together with.  We used a washing machine as the base of the body and then taped shit to it for an hour or so.

Eventually my mother saw us and told me to get out of the garbage heap.  I guess I was too close to Rosemund.  She then sent me to the Mac's Milk to buy her cigarettes with a hand written note giving me permission to get them for her.  Yes, this sort of thing actually happened in the 80s.  I've never smoked a day in my life, but I'll always remember 'Du Maurier Extra Mild 100s' because of the times my mother sent me to the store for them.  I was allowed to use her change for G.I. Joe comics, so that's okay.

But that's off topic.

A few days later, I went to Ryan's house (not the one who had been visiting from out of town for the day) to see about finishing our robot.

"What robot?" He asked me.
"The robot we were building with the washing machine," I replied.  "We never finished it.  We still need to try turning it on."
"Yeah," he said.  "Or we could just play with my Ghostbusters toys instead."

And that's what we did. 
You know, we never did find out if our robot would work or not.

- ryan