Arnold Movies - My Five Faves

With the new Terminator flick almost upon us, I thought I'd take a moment to reflect on my five favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.

5. Twins
The basics: Arnold discovers that Danny DeVito is his long-lost twin brother, and DeVito tries to help Arnold adapt to life in the US of A while searching for their even longer and lost-ier mommy.
Why I Effing Love It: Arnold sings "Yakety Yak, Don't Talk Back", hooks up with a straight up hot 80s blonde goddess, and mocks a poster of Stallone and Rambo III when walking down the street.  Sometimes I like to watch this movie back-to-I'll-be-back with Junior, because there are fewer things in this world better than hearing a pregnant Arnold shout, "I want to keep my baby."

4. Escape Plan
The basics: Arnold teams up with Stallone to help Sly break out of a prison that turns out to be on a ship in the middle of the ocean.
Why I Effing Love It: The two greatest action stars of all-time finally team up together, and even though they're both no longer in their prime, they still show us why they're the best.  Arnold clearly wasn't in as good of shape as Sly in this one, so he fits in well as the helper/informant man.  This movie was full of twists and surprizes, so check it out if you haven't yet.

3. Jingle All The Way
The basics: Arnold goes searching for a Turbo Man action figure for his son on Christmas Eve, after promising the boy that he'd get one for him.  He pals up with Sinbad, who is also looking for a Turbo Man, and they end up in the city's Holiday Parade as Turbo Man and Dementor.  Wow, I've seen this movie too many times.
Why I Effing Love It: Arnold satanically chants "dasher-dancer-prancer-vixen-comet-cupid-donner-blitzen" while running down the street; Arnold beats up a bunch of fake Santas.  Arnold gets a reindeer drunk.  Oh, and of course, "PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN! NOW!"

2. Kindergarten Cop
The basics: Arnold is a cop, you idiot, and he's looking for a bad guy in a nice neighborhood and the best way to do so is to pose as a kindergarten teacher...?
Why I Effing Love It: Arnold doesn't have a tumor.  Arnold one-punches domestic child abuse right out a broken family in broad daylight.  Arnold hooks up with the smokin' hot Penelope Anne Miller.  Arnold delivers the single greatest performance ever in the history of all-time of the line, "SHUUUUUUUTTTTT UPPPPPPPP!"  Arnold learns that boys have a penis and girls have a vagina.


1. Commando
The basics: Arnold's daughter Jenny is stolen by an old enemy, and he must come out of retirement to go on a killing spree of bad guys to save his little girl - including killing people in hotels, on the side of the highway, in the mall (pretty sure that dude dies...), and I'm 95% certain he drives a tank down the road in this one too.  A guy I know claims that Commando is essentially a parody of Arnold movies that just so happens to star Arnold.
Why I Effing Love It: The... well... the ... uh... you know, just watch the musical.

- ryan