My Letter To Skeletor

Dear Skeletor,

I'm writing back to you in regards to your request to borrow five bucks from me.

I don't get it, dude.  You're one of the evil Masters of the Universe.  What do you need five bucks from me for?  Is this some kind of Eternian Pyramid scheme?  These things never work out well for anyone.  You should really consider putting your money to better uses.

Wait, if you're compiling funds for another attack on Castle Grayskull then just stop now.  You have yet to come up with a great follow up to the Diamond Ray of Disappearance.  Skeletor, I'm telling you as a friend here... the Diamond Ray was the best shot you ever had at capturing Grayskull.  And it was your first attempt.  Maybe you should think about conquering another castle.  At least for now.

If you really need money, you could always consider getting a part-time job.  But heads up, don't apply to work at Target.  They're closing all their stores here in Canada, so I can only assume it's a matter of time before they start chopping jobs in the States too.  Then, it won't be long and the Target store on Eternia will be gone.  For some reason, I think I heard somewhere that the Target in the Fright Zone will be safe.  But that's a long daily commute for you to do just to work those four-hour shifts.

Did you think about asking Hordak for the money?  I know it's a long-shot, but hey, you never know.

And I know what you're thinking, it's only five bucks.  But I gotta tell you, since having this second baby we're trying not to excessively spend.  So that means my days of funding evil super-villains on the side is on hiatus.  Whatever you do, don't drop my name around Cobra Commander.  He didn't take it so well when he asked me for bus fare and I said no. 

So, again, I'm really sorry I can't help you out this time.  But keep me in mind if you plan on invading Trolla in about three years time.  I might be able to help then.

Your friend,
Ryan of the Ryan Fan Club

PS - if you need money to buy some face cream, I have a few open containers around here that were too sensitive for my skin. I'm not saying this to make you jealous.  You can have them if you want 'em.