Sex Is Like Pizza

...someone once said, "Sex is like pizza - even when it's bad, it's still pretty good."

Then someone else put that on a bumper sticker, and people have been saying it for years.  But I think today we need to take a closer look at that analogy, shall we?

If sex is like pizza, then what else?
Given the root of the saying, "sex is like pizza", then you could also suggest the following:

• Sex is like pizza - it's not quite as good when you have to make it yourself
• Sex is like pizza - if you're not greedy with it, you can have some more in the morning
• Sex is like pizza - you shouldn't take it from someone without asking 
• Sex is like pizza - the longer you wait for it, the faster you finish it
• Sex is like pizza - sure, 2 for the price of 1 sounds great, but it never really lives up to your expectations.

What if you don't like pizza?

...and having it with your mom is gross.

Does this mean you do you not like sex?  I've often found myself saying things like, "how can you not like pizza?"  But I've never taken it to this next level.  When defending pizza, we tell people that it's got all four of the major food groups, it's quick and easy, it comes in a box, and it's great when you're drunk.  Don't all of these statements apply to sex too?
You know who doesn't like pizza?  My dad.  At least he says he doesn't.  When he was a younger man, he ate some pizza after too many drinks and puked up a storm.  Hasn't eaten pizza since.  But this was before I was born, so unless my real father is the milkman, then I'm pretty sure my dad likes pizza after all.
Then there's my wife, who also claims she doesn't like pizza.  I'm not even going to figure out what that suggests.  Well, she doesn't like pizza that I order out for.  She likes the pizza that's covered with things like zucchini and goat's cheese.  And really, that's hardly pizza.  And also, she likes making it herself.
(which brings us to...)

Delivery or Delissio?
Those of you who have seen my pizza rules know I'm very strict about the pizza I eat.  (Read the rules here: http://www.ryanfanclub.com/archive/guide/goodpizza.html )
Does that make me strict about sex?  Is ordering out for pizza kinda like ordering in a hooker?  If she takes longer than thirty minutes to orgasm does that mean it should be free?  Hmmm...
Some producers of frozen pizza claim their product is just as good as delivery.  Nope.  However, having sex after being out in the cold is a great way to warm up.

So, they say sex is like pizza.  And I guess for the most part it really is.  It can be gooey, hot n' spicy, or if you're a little more daring, you can stuff the crust with hot dogs.
It comes in different sizes, with different variations from all around the world, and just because you're a meat lover doesn't necessarily mean you're gay.
It can be enjoyed while watching TV, or at a party, and sometimes you sneak it in but don't want to tell anyone after.

So there.  Sex really is like pizza.

The bottom line though - neither should ever include pineapple.