Remember Before The Internet?

Do you remember what life was like before the internet?  Before there was a http://www.ryanfanclub.com, or even a Google?  Do you even know what Altavista is?  As technology continues to improve and make our lives easier, the next generation will never experience some of these great joys...

1.  Who's that guy in the movie?

Tapster was better.

Back in the early 90s, if we were watching a movie and thought the bad guy might have been one of Sam's random boyfriends from Who's The Boss we'd have to consult with our friends to check that shit out.  Today, you just go to IMDB.

2. Wait, you actually PAID for music?
I can actually remember having the debate with my mother to spend an extra $2 to buy Prince's Batman soundtrack on cassette instead of vinyl.  And then these crazy things called CDs came along, and they were like $20 each.  Then Napster changed the way we listen to music and the way we see musicians.  Sure, you can (and should) buy your music online from places like iTunes of Amazon, but there are still too many people who don't.  And in all actuality, buying individual songs online solved the age old problem people had with buying an album and only having one song on it that they liked.  (note: The first thing I ever downloaded from Napster was Richard Marx's "How Do You Talk To An Angel")

I actually had this one.

3. Where do you hide your porn?
I'm a firm believer that the internet was popularized for the use of pornography.  Just think of how much more acceptable the adult industry has become to the mainstream in the last fifteen years or so.  Back in the late 80s and early 90 you may have had some dirty magazines in your drawer.  Or you had a couple dirty pictures folded up in your wallet.  Maybe you were lucky and found a half destroyed copy of Swank magazine in the bushes on your way home from school.  Me, I used to hide my dirty pictures between the months on my WWF calendar (there's another item that's obsolete) because who would ever think to look there?  Today, your computer is full of porn whether or not you realize it.

4. Can I get to the bank before it closes?
Online banking is incredible.  I'm never late paying my bills.  They arrive in the mail, and I log on right away to take care of them.  If I were even more enthusiastic, I could just set up direct paymet.  I'm surprized banks are even open at all anymore.

5. Are you almost done with the phone?  I'm expecting a call.

...never traded my Federov.

Once upon a time, there was one telephone in your house... a rotary dialed phone... that stayed in the kitchen.  Sure, maybe you were lucky enough to have a twenty foot cord on it and could take it away from the listening ear of your parents.  But probably not.

6. Do you have the album with the wrong spelled "Walkin' The Dig"?
If you collected records, or comic books, or action figures, you used to have to hunt for the items you wanted in your collection.  Sometimes you'd have to go to conventions, yard sales, swap meets, or try to barter with your best friend for that "Future Superstar" Eric Lindros card.  You'd give anything for that card, except for your Sergei Federov rookie card.  That guy had the best name ever.  Today, you just go to eBay.  Way to go eBay!  Way to ruin the fun of hunting and collecting rare treasures.

7. Where can I stop to ask for directions?
Sure, the internet is full of scary gas station attendants, but most of them aren't running their own websites offering the easiest way from point A to point B.  And you can't use their bathroom either. That's what Google maps and GPS are for.  I'm waiting for a Goolge Bathroom App for my phone.

... and there's our trip down memory lane!