Cartoon Chicks You Shouldn't Want To Have Sex With

Quite some time ago I did a list called, Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Sleep With.  You can check it out here: http://www.ryanfanclub.com/archive/top11cartoonbabes.html
It raised a few eyebrows.  I mean, the idea of wanting to sleep with a fictional character seemed preposterous.  But we've all considered it.  Every single male who ever watched Who Framed Roger Rabbit had a fantasy about Jessica Rabbit... it's just that some people are okay with admitting to it.

But there is a darker side to all of this.  While, sure, it's one thing to say that Jessica Rabbit is sexy, or you'd absolutely sleep with Daphne from Scooby-Doo if she were real, or the Catwoman costume really turns your crank - these are all realistic cartoon characters.  You might know someone who looks like Daphne.  After all, she looks like a real person.  But what about some of those other cartoon characters?  The ones you've caught yourself saying, "hey, if she were real and NOT a mouse, I'd totally buy her a drink" to.

Yep, I'm talking about Minnie Mouse.

Admit it.  You'd have sex with Minnie Mouse.  Sure, you might not tell anyone about it, but you'd do it.  Look, the sooner you accept this and admit it to yourself, we can move on with the rest of the article.

There's something pretty cool about Minnie Mouse.  After all, she's been dating the same egotist for the last sixty-some years.  Minnie Mouse actually represents the type of girlfriend so many guys really do go after.  She's cute, she's spunky, and she knows that her boyfriend Mickey is the boss of the house.  Sure, she's had her own attempts at careers over the years, but she's always been the minority income earner in the house of mouse.

So what if Minnie Mouse were real?  And not a mouse?  I kinda think she'd look a bit like Reese Witherspoon.  Now, I hate that Sweet Home Alabama movie more than anyone, but that wouldn't stop me from jumping into bed with Miss Witherspoon.

Arcee, that robot in disguise from the 1980s Transformers movie, is another good example.  She's a robot.  And sometimes she's a car.  And yet, nerds from all over the world have thought about what it would be like to transform in her and roll out at the last possible minute.  Yeah, I just made that joke.

Jessie (from the Toy Story series) is a toy.  A friggin' toy!  But all men like cowgirls.  Need proof?  Just look at the longevity of country music.  Dudes like a girl in plaid and stupid hats.  It's true.  It's stupid, but it's true.  Jessie's a great example of the fun-loving cowgirl spirit; a girl with a heart full of adventure, willing to try new things and experiment with attitude.

The Little Mermaid is a tricky one.  You see, Ariel is almost human - but she's got no legs and can breathe under water.  With that said, at the end of the movie she has legs and is a full fledged human.  So I'll let you use your best judgement on this one.  But really, I'm not sure I'd want to go holding hands with someone who has spent their entire life under the sea.  Think of how wrinkly her hands would be.

I was asked to include Miss Piggy in here somewhere.  She represents class, sophistication, and true beauty.  And if pushed over the edge, she'll get violent too.  But she isn't a cartoon.  As far as I'm concerned, the Muppets are real.  Sure, they're obviously puppets with some actors' hands up their butts, but the Muppets cast their own shadow.  And in my mind, that constitutes for being real.  You could break into the Muppet studio and really have sex with Miss Piggy.  It would be gross, wrong, and going too far to prove a point about fictional characters being hot though.  And you'd most likely get arrested for it.  But you could do it.  Realistically though, it probably wouldn't be very good.  She'd just lay there. Unless the puppeteer still had their arm up there, then I dunno.

Am I missing anyone?  Are their any cartoon characters that should be added in?

- ryan