What If Real Life Were Like Super Mario Bros?

Remember the cartoon called The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3? It's a horrible cartoon from the early 90s based on an incredibly good video game. Several times in the series, Mario and Luigi travel back to the real world which leads me to ponder, "What if real life were like Super Mario Bros."? 

Free Money!
You would never need to work for a living. All you'd really have to do is look around and you'd find money just laying on the ground. Sometimes it's hidden in boxes, but plenty of money is just laying there, ready for the taking. In the video game, when you collect 100 coins you get an extra life. So I would assume that in real life, the more money you have means you'll just live longer. Or maybe you can trade in your coins in the netherworld for another life. Hmm.... I'd better start saving up. 

Fire Is At Your Fingertips
In the video game, you can find a magic flower that gives you "Firepower". You can literally throw fire at the bad guys, and it's much easier than jumping on their heads. So imagine if in real life you could hurl a fireball at someone you didn't like. There you are, having a bad day at work, and on your way home some arsehole cuts you off at the intersection. Normally you just let them get away with it... but not today buster! One quick flick of your wrist and you'll be bale to roast marshmallows on them.


No Need To Breathe That Polluted Air Anymore
In the Mushroom Kingdom there is no need to breathe air. Need proof? Mario swims underwater and never needs to come up for air. Now, you might argue that maybe Mario can just hold his breath for the 200 or 300 second time limit for that water level, but c'mon let's face it. Mario is an overweight plumber. He can probably only hold his breath for 40 seconds tops. So imagine you could go underwater and not have to come up. You'd chill out at the beach, underwater, and check out all the girls in their bikinis. Well, that's what I would do anyway. 

White Men CAN Jump
Ever gotten something caught in a tree? Or stuck up on your roof? No problem! If real life were like Super Mario Bros. we'd be able to just jump to those tough-to-reach places. All we'd need is a running start and maybe a mushroom, because you can jump higher when you're big n' super from a mushroom. 

But let's be realistic here. After all, there are definitely two ways that real life IS like Super Mario Bros.

Stars
In the video game, when you touch a magic star you become invincible to everything else (except for maybe falling down a bottomless pit) and you're practically unstoppable. In real life, people that are considered "stars" are invincible and get away with just about whatever they want.

You Can't Always Get What You Want
Mario spends the whole game searching for Princess Toadstool, who is constantly "In Another Castle", and when he finally rescues her from the clutches of the evil King Koopa, he is forced back to the start of the game to do it all over again, but just a little harder. Now if that isn't a euphemism for real life, then I don't know what is.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan