Deep Down, Everyone's A Leafs Fan

Who knew Skeletor was a fan!

There, I said it.
Now before you get all up in arms about this, hear me out: Let's not forget that I'm proudly wearing my Cam Neely Bruins sweater as I write this blog. But really, deep down we're all Leafs fans in one way or another.

Let me explain.

You see, there are three types of people in this world, which we are about to explore:

Die-Hard Leafs Fans
We all know someone like this. They're a Leafs fan. They're dad was a Leafs fan. His dad was a Leafs fan too. It's hereditary.

These are the people you see in your neighborhood that wake up, get in their car and drive to Tim Horton's to pick up a couple double-doubles or triple-triples and bring them back home instead of just making their own coffee. These people really exist. They need an entire garbage bag each week just for their Timmie's cups. Surely you've seen the "TML" flag blowing in the wind on the radial of their car. They might even sport an homage mustache to Wendel Clark.  Okay, that last one would even impress me.  Wendel Clark kicked some ass back in his day.  The 'stache.

Oh yes, the Wendel mustache turns their wives on in ways that vibrators just can't do.
These are the fans that will shout at bars after the first game of the season. You'll hear, "Dynasty! Dynasty!" And it'll be after edging out the last-place Columbus Blue Jackets in overtime. (Note: This blog will NEVER become dated so long as the BJs aren't willing to get their shit together)

These fans also have the number "67" tattooed on their arms, or incorporated into their license plate somehow... "LEEFS67"... to represent the last time Toronto actually won a Stanley Cup. It's not wise to mention to these particular Leafs fans that the last time Toronto won that Cup though, television was still only in black and white. Some of them might believe there's some color on the cup, and it's not just different shades of grey.

Casual Leafs Fans

Me in '95 or '96

Yeah, that was me on the right. I was the prime example of a "Casual Leafs Fan" in the early 90s.

You see, every so often Toronto actually puts a team together worthy of some excitement. And if they can't, they just change their coach or their logo or get a new mascot.  One of those is bound to bring in a cup.

In 1992-93 the Maple Leafs made one of the largest trades in NHL history with the Calgary Flames. In doing so, they acquired Doug Gilmour who really added some depth and grit to the team. All of a sudden, they were winning games, and people weren't so ashamed to cheer for Toronto anymore. I was also an impressionable youth of twelve years old, and I caught this "blue n' white fever" too.  I had previously been cheering for the LA Kings and had a sweet Gretzky jersey.  The kids at school asked if I were a B-Boy, but I didn't know what that was at the time.

That year, the Montreal Canadiens won the Stanley Cup. And I truly believe that WAS Toronto's year. There's lots of controversy about the Leafs/Kings semi-final series that I'm not going to get into here. I just don't care that much anymore.

Sure, I continued to cheer for the Leafs for another few years, but once the team became all about Mats Sundin and Owen Nolan, I totally jumped ship. And this is common of most "casual" Leafs fans. Once they realize that Toronto isn't doing anything to try and actually make the team better, they just lose interest altogether. The lifespan of a casual Leafs fan is somewhere between four and five years.

The Toronto Make-Me-Laughs
The last type of Leafs fan is everyone else. See, you don't have to actually like The Maple Leafs to be a Leafs Fan. Hockey fans who don't cheer for Toronto LOVE to see them lose. And this, in a way, is sort of being a fan. We're fans of watching them lose. And we're fans of listening to those "Die-Hards" go on about how unstoppable the Leafs are while they suck back on their Timmie's.

"The Leafs are the best!"
"Uh... why?"
"Because they're the Leafs!"
"Umm... I don't really see how --"
"Go Leafs go!"

Go where? That saying, "Go Leafs Go", has got to be the stupidest phrase ever uttered by anyone. Not only is it just bad English, which can be expected after your third or fourth double-double of the morning, but it doesn't really mean anything. Fans do it for other teams too and I don't know why.

So as you can see, one way or another, we're all fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs. You can go ahead and kill yourself now.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan