Good God, I Want A Power Glove

"It's so bad."

The Nintendo Power Glove was one of those defining toys of a generation. Our parents had ray-guns. We had Nintendo. We were truly playing with power. That is, until 1992 when we stopped playing with power and started playing with Super Power! But that's a story for another day.

Most of us were given our first view of a Power Glove in the movie The Wizard, starring Fred Savage. If you've never seen it, go rent it or stop by my house to watch it with me. If you're a pretty girl I'll even make popcorn. It has some great lines such as "He touched my breast!", "Cal-i-for-nee-ya", and "This one's called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". Sure, the movie is really a 90 minute Nintendo ad, but at least it's entertaining.



Without spoiling the truly deep plot of The Wizard, we can examine the spotlight that was the Power Glove... and Lucas.

Yes, that's right Lucas! He's quite possibly the greatest Nintendo player who ever lived. Other Nintendo-ers fear his name alone. Some of us have peed our pants just thinking of challenging this legend. He's not just good at one game. No, no, he's beaten them all! In fact, Lucas is such a threat to every other Nintendo-nerd's very existence that he even has flunkies that do dirty work for him. His minions search out those who can wield a NES controller with grace and persistence. They look for those who know the secret of "up-down-up-down-left-right-left-right-a-b-a-b-select-start". Then they bring them before Lucas, their king.

Swiftly, and without any sign of empathy, Lucas has destroyed all those that have challenged his Nintendo greatness. His only defeat (and one that shouldn't count because it was a three-person game) came at the hands of Jimmy at the end of The Wizard. Lucas must have let Jimmy have that victory to feel better about himself. It just goes to show that Lucas isn't a total dictator in the many worlds of Mario.

I have decided that it is upon my shoulders to get a power glove while defeating Lucas and freeing the rest of the Nintendo players from his tyranny. And thus begins the greatest duel in the history of all histories... 
Lucas versus Ryan! 
Here's how the combatants match up:

	LUCAS	RYAN
Game of choice	Rad Racer	Bubble Bobble
Quote	"I love the Power Glove.  It's so bad."	"I have a penis.  And it's really cool."
Mario, Luigi, or Princess?	Princess... she can fly.	Luigi... he has something to prove.
Would he touch her breast?	Probably already did.	Would've as a kid.
Number of lines in Tetris	157	168
Sworn enemy	Jimmy, who won the tourney.	Scott, who often wins at Monopoly.

Announcing today's festivities are none other than my old friend The Lord of Chaos.

"Did I ever tell you about the time Ryan challenged Lucas to a game of Rad Racer? Wow, lemme tell ya I haven't seen such a display of finely crafted technique in years! In fact, I've barely done anything in years! Lucas stated he would only do battle in his castle, and when Ryan showed up he exclaimed 'Bring it on, Jesus!'. Ryan grabbed his controller and hit the start button. Lucas grabbed the Power Glove, but was quickly stopped by Ryan. Lucas agreed to not use the greatest weapon ever, and that if he were to win, it would be honorably with a NES controller. What happened next was a landslide victory for Lucas. Ryan never stood a chance against his Royal NESness. Oh well, win some, lose some!"

Well, I still don't have a Power Glove...but I really want one. If I find one at a Flea Market I'll definitely buy one. If anyone out there has one they'd like to give me as a nice early Christmas present, I'd cherish it forever.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan