This Bag Is Not A Toy?

This bag is not a toy.
The hell it ain't!

Maybe Mr. Director of Child Health and Safety at the production plant just has no imagination.  This bag can clearly be a toy.

I don't know about you, but I don't really like being told what I can and can't do with the leftover packaging that my consumables come in.  I don't even remember what I bought that came in this baggy, but fuck them for thinking that I can't use this as a toy.  And hey, if I suffocate on it, or somehow get myself stuck in it and fall into a river and drown, then it's my own goddamn fault for being an idiot.  Or maybe my parents for not paying proper attention to what I play with.

What's this, you ask?  A Monopoly board?  Uh-oh!  Looks like I've landed on Pennsylvania Ave. and it has a hotel!  I hope I have enough cash to cover the debt.  Maybe I'll get lucky and the puppy dog will land on Baltic Ave. after it passes "GO".  I have a house on that cheap purple piece of shit.  Oh, and I don't know if the ship knows this or not, but if it rolls a perfect four it will land on Free Parking.  Check the rule book folks, there's no free money for Free Parking.  Stop twisting this beautiful game around to meet your own needs.
(Fun fact - I always use the Iron when I play Monopoly)

Luke Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi and in their Landspeeder here, heading to the Mos Eisley Cantina.  It seems as though little whiny Luke here just lost his Aunt and Uncle in a terrible fire, so he's running away to some planet called Alderaan to find a Princess.  I hope there's enough fuel in this speeder to get him to Mos Eisley so he can find a pilot!

 

If you're like me and you've already beaten all the Super Mario games, why not try some of these lost levels?  Just like any other classic NES game, you've gotta blow inside it first to get it to work - but don't blow too hard!  You might pop your game and then you've gotta ask your mom and dad to buy you a new one.  Now I'm playing with plastic bag power!

 

Look everyone!  It's Mr. Baggy-O-Head!  Are you lonely and in need of a friend?  Just stick some eyes, arms, feet, and a tongue on to Mr. Baggy-O-Head and never be without a companion!  This one actually reminds me of an old Howie Mandel bit where he said, "when I was a kid we were poor, and instead of having a Mr. Potato Head my parents used to let me just stick shit to my grandmother's face."

So there you have it.

This bag is not a toy? Fuck you, you fucking fucks.

I'm sure there are many other ways to use this as a toy.  I just took some pictures of it with things in the Fan-Cave.

It could be a wrestling ring, or the secret hideout for Dr. Doom, or even the teapot at a tea party for stuffed animals.  

If you get really creative I'm sure you can figure out a way or two or three to use this as a sex toy.  If you do - by all means, send me those pictures.

The point is, don't let the corporations tell you how to use your imagination.  This bag could be the ultimate super computer if you want it to be.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan