Top 11 Music Movies

Today we take a look at eleven of the best music movies ever made.  I wanted to call it the best Rock n' Roll movies made, but then someone would have a hissy-fit about their being rap movies on the list too, even though rap music embodies the same spirit as rock n' roll.  These are all truly great films that you should check out.  Well, mostly.

Concert films will not be considered on this list.  So that's a "no" to all those great Hanson VHS tapes I see at the thrift stores.  Also, anything with The Beatles in it will not be allowed either, because I just don't like The Beatles.  I know what you're thinking, and when you have a website with your name and fan club in title you can write whatever list you want.  I won't stop you.

11. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Alright, I know I said no Beatles, but they aren't even in this movie.  Let's get something out of the way.  This movie sucks.  I mean, really, really sucks.  But the Aerosmith performance of "Come Together" is almost worth sitting through the first hour or so of shit to get to it.  Thankfully you can just YouTube that kind of stuff these days. I had to watch this crap on VHS in the late 90s.  Imagine sitting through this flick in the theaters in the 70s.  This will be the only piece of shit movie on this list that gets by with one redeeming quality.  I swear.

10. Rock N' Roll High School Forever
I'm not sure if this is a sequel to the Ramones movie or not, but it stars Corey Feldman, has a villain principal named Vader, and I found it in the 99-cent bin at Jumbo Video.  I've actually never seen the original Rock N' Roll High School, so I can't say if it's a sequel or not.  I can just assume that since this one has Corey Feldman in it that it must be at least 70 times better.  So Principal Vader tries to eliminate all elements of rock n' roll and fun from the high school, and that means Feldman's band, The Eradicators, won't be able to play at prom.  Son of a bitch!
This flick came out in the early 90s, so it falls into the time frame of stuff that was more or less leftover from the 80s.  Bonus points for that!

09. Spice World
I only saw this movie because I won two free passes to go see it.  So I got really drunk and took my roommate Joshua Lindsay Mercer Clements.  Within the first ten minutes or so we get to see Britney Spears in some revealing lingerie, and then she road trips with some friends to go and become a singing sensation somewhere.
Along the way, she hooks up with your typical hot/sensitive bad-boy type and after letting him hit her vagina one more time, she decides that she's not a girl and not yet a woman.  I guess she's just a slave for him and... wait, I'm not talking about Spice World at all, am I?  I always meant to see that movie.  One of the Kids In The Hall is in it, you know.

08. Rock Star
This one hits a little close to home.  You see, when Rock Star came out in 2001 I was at the apex of my Steven Tyler fandom. Yes, I used to have long hair, wear leopard print clothing, and pretty much try to be as cool as Steven Tyler.  The difference between me and Marky Mark in this movie?  He got to become the front man of his favorite band.  And he got to hook it up with Jennifer Aniston. And he go to drive Adam West's Batmobile.  And eventually he traveled to the Planet of the Apes.  Funny how things work out sometimes.


07. Straight Outta Compton
This one is still pretty new, but it's already better than most rock movies out there. Definitely better than anything that had the Beatles in it, anyway.  I won't spoil it for you because you should check it out, but I will rant about all the classic hip hop from my youth that's in it.  And just like, I totally dated myself. There was the big hoopla about how this movie was overlooked by the Oscars, and I thought, wouldn't it be funny if Ice Cube's son won an Oscar playing a man who made a bunch of movies that never would have won Oscars... it's kind of like a story inside of a story.  Would Ice Cube be pissed of proud? I don't know, that's why I ask you these things.

06. The Runaways
Kristen Stewart gets a lot of flack, and rightfully so, for those shitty ass Twilight movies. And Snow White and the Huntress kinda sucked too.  But I don't believe it was her fault entirely, because she's never been better or hotter than she is in The Runaways.  I guess there's just something about a bad-ass chick playing the guitar.  The Runaways is such an involving movie that I didn't realize General Zod was the band's manager until nearly the end of the movie.  Michael Shannon is the man.  And Dakota Fanning?  She spends most of the movie practically naked and drunk.  God bless rock n' roll.

05. The Wall
Have you ever gotten really fucked up and watched Pink Floyd's flick? Even if you're not fucked up, it'll fuck you up really good.  I got this album at a thrift shop for a dollar and listened to it on repeat for a week or two straight.  So I watched the movie.  Sober.  Completely sober.  I watched it with my good friend Peter, because he's probably the biggest Pink Floyd fan I know and I wanted his expert commentary to go along with it.  It's a great mix of acting and animation (and really great music).  And it's still one of the only albums I have to listen to start to finish.  I can't even just listen to the singles on their own.  To me, they have to be part of the whole story.

04. Still Crazy
I'm not actually going to say anything about this movie, and instead post the trailer for it so you can get excited to see it.  If you've never seen this movie, we can't be friends.

 

03. This Is Spinal Tap
It sure is. Don't make me just post another trailer to watch.  This movie is actually a big part of why I do Top 11 lists.  I used to do Top 10 lists until my good friend Chris suggested I make mine go to eleven, just like in Spinal Tap.  The amp that goes to eleven, the Stonehenge sequence, and the "Lick My Love Pump" bit are some of the most cherished moments in movie and music history, but for me, my favorite part is,
"You can't do that.  That's sexist."
"What's wrong with being sexy?"


02. La Bamba
The story of Ritchie Valens is a big part of why I got interested in rock n' roll.  I first saw this movie when I was only seven, and everything about it just spoke to me.  I got the Los Lobos soundtrack and learned all the words to the classic songs on the LP.  I guess, deep down, I just always wanted to be a star in the golden age of rock n' roll, find a pretty girl named Donna, have an alcoholic half-brother, and die in a plane crash.  Oh, sorry, spoiler alert - he dies in a plane crash at the end.
Sorry.

01. Purple Rain
Before we get into the number one, can I just get everyone to promise they'll never watch the sequel to Purple Rain called "Graffiti Bridge"? Thanks.
Now, let's go crazy.  If you've ever seen the movie 8 Mile, then you've seen a really glamoured up knock off of Purple Rain.  The story is pretty predictable. The acting is... well, I'm not actually sure there is any acting in this.  They're all kind of playing themselves.  But the music and the performances.  Mother fucker!  It's like getting spanked and wanting more.  And there's just something oddly compelling about watching Prince kiss Apollonia.  It's not so much kissing as it looks like he's trying to steal her essence through her mouth.  It's actually kind of uncomfortable to watch the first time.  I love this movie so much that I even sleep in a Purple Rain t-shirt.  I probably shouldn't have told you that.  Now you're going to have some nightmares.  Well, I guess that's what it sounds like when doves cry.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan