Top 11 Cartoon Babes

Some of you may say... Hey Ryan, I don't think this is the first time you've done a list like this. And you'd be right. A few years back I did a "Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Give Sweet Lovin' To" in RFC 'Zine #22. Well, it's been a few years since that list and not only are there new cartoons with new babes in them, but it's possible that my tastes may have changed a bit too. If you have that old 'Zine kicking around (hold on to it, cause it's a collector's item now), feel free to do a comparison. And if you wanna tell me who you think the Top Cartoon Babes are, feel free to comment below.

So since I myself am a cartoon, here's the Top 11 Cartoon Babes I'd Give Sweet, Sweet Lovin' To.

#11 - Poison Ivy Starting this list is Poison Ivy. It's no big, dark secret that I have a thing for redheads. It must be the Irish in me. Well, like most guys, I also have a thing for dangerous chicks. Poison Ivy will love you until she's done with you and then kill you without thinking twice. A date with her would be hard though, because what kind of flowers do you give a girl who is obsessed with plants? Chances are no matter what flowers you bring her, she already has them. Except that the ones she has will kill you. I think she might also be into girls, though it's never really been acknowledged as fact. I just get that feeling when I watch her team up with Harley Quinn on Batman: The Animated Series. Possible Date Idea: Plant trees together.  Make many "log" innuendos until you've got her naked.

#10 - Nikki Wong Nikki Wong (from 6Teen) gets the approval of The Lovely Wife. In her own words, "That chick is cool." Even the most uptight, prim & proper gentlemen have a thing for the bad-ass, speak-her-own-mind kind of girl. You just know that she's got a hidden tattoo and wants you to find it. Tattoos on chicks is like a bulls eye for getting in the sack. She's cool because of her purple hair and independence. We all know that many of the perfectly pretty girls are fun to look at but boring as hell to talk to. It's the cool girls who don't wear gobs of make-up that make for fun dates. And let's not... wait... the show's called 6Teen?  Uh... shit... Possible Date Idea: Take her downtown with a few rolls of toilet paper and "enhance" a statue. Then go to the mall and make fun of all the "perfect" girls together.

#9 - Janine Melnitz Nerdy girls rule. Often overlooked, the nerdy girl is a deep-down nymphomaniac. Janine (the geeky secretary for the Ghostbusters) has a thing for nerdy dudes. And chances are if you're actually reading this list, then you're a nerdy dude. Sorry, but c'mon. Really. I'm a big geek for even writing it. Even in the Ghostbusters movie, Janine was pretty hot. You'd take her home if you had a couple beer in you. In The Real Ghostbusters cartoon though she had something that made her desirable to everyone in the show. Possible Date Idea: Take her to a museum of science & technology and show her where babies come from.

#8 - Marge Simpson Marge, let your hair down all the time! Admit it, you get excited whenever you're watching the Simpsons and Marge finds a reason to let her hair down.  Marge might just be the ultimate Yummy Mummy, and since her standards are already really quite low from Homer J, you wouldn't have to put in too much work to get her in the sheets.  And I bet she'd even cook up some breakfast in bed in the morning. Possible Date Idea: I'm an old-school Simpsons fan, so I'd take Marge bowling and finish the deal that Jacques couldn't.

#7 - Hello Nurse Hellllllllllllooooooooooo Nurse! It's just fun to say. As a kid of the 80s, developing hormones in the early 90s, it was no surprise that Hello Nurse was the coolest thing on television in 1992. Let's not forget that nurses are on my "To Do" list anyway. Just try to find a guy who doesn't like nurses. Once again though, if you pay special attention you'll notice that Hello Nurse always hung around the scientist. Once again, the hot chicks like the nerdy dudes. That rules. Possible Date Idea: Take her somewhere to see something with lots of lights and noises and cute animals. Stupid girls eat that stuff up.

#6 - Jessica Rabbit The last time I did a list like this my good friend Andrew King said "If Jessica Rabbit isn't #1 then I'll be forced to hurt you." Sorry Andrew, she still isn't number one here, but I can see why he'd say that. After all, she isn't bad... she's just drawn that way. The third redhead on the list so far doesn't crack the top five simply because of her love for animals. C'mon... she had a thing for a rabbit. You know when you download some porn and it's this super-hot girl and you're all excited and then BAM! She puts a carrot in her. The mood is ruined instantly. That's kinda how it is with Jessica Rabbit. In Who Framed Roger Rabbit she was way cooler when we all thought she was just using Roger to get away with murder. Possible Date Idea: Go to the pet store and play with the bunnies. Just don't get upset when she likes them more than you.

#5 - Arcee Uh... yeah... Arcee here is a Transformer. I'm gonna get lots of weird comments over this. I degrade Jessica Rabbit for liking animals, yet I'll get it on with a Robot In Disguise. I don't really have any kind of defense here. But, if you ask any Trans-Fan (Transformers, not Transsexuals) they'll tell you that after watching Transformers: The Movie they thought Arcee was pretty cute. And she's my favorite color. I'd even stick it in the voice actress for Arcee. Arcee is nurturing and loving, and about one-hundred feet tall. So if you're in to tall girls, Arcee is perfect for you. Possible Date Idea: Take her to get an oil job, then give her an oil job of your own... after you stick it up her exhaust pipe.

#4 - April O'Neil Hands up if you think April O'Neil (from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) should've hooked up with Casey Jones. Yeah, me too. But she never did, so that means she's fair game for all of us. April may or may not have had a large orgy party with the TMNT, and frankly, we'll never know. But what we do know is that she looked good in her yellow jumpsuit. She must've had a closet full of them, because it's all she ever seemed to wear. April was also a little older than the Turtles, so it's no shocker that they dug her. Most teenage dudes dig at least one older woman. The experience that comes with them is uncanny. Sadly, April's love life was always dragged down by her roommate, Irma's, lack of one. Possible Date Idea: Have a picnic in the sewer with her, and for god's sake bring something to eat that isn't pizza. She must be sick of that by now.

#3 - Miss Maggie Dunlop Here's the final redhead on our list today. What could be more sexy to a geek than Drew Barrymore? The answer: Drew Barrymore as a cartoon! Shit yeah! Miss Maggie Dunlop (in Curious George) represents the female version of all us male geeks. She's dorky, and likes nerdy guys like the Man in the Yellow Hat. She's a little shy too when it comes to telling The Man In The Yellow Hat about her feelings for him. She digs history, and facts, and dinosaur bones, and she's great with kids. It's actually pretty cool just how much the animation of this character resembles Drew Barrymore. Right down to her one-sided, half-smile... it really seems like you're watching Barrymore as a cartoon. Let's not forget that Curious George is simply the best animated movie since the early 90s. That can't help but be good for her hotness. Possible Date Idea: Take her to see a sunset, then ask her to spank your monkey.

#2 - Glimmer There's just something about a girl with pink hair that gets me every time. In The Secret of the Sword, Glimmer meets She-Ra's twin brother He-Man, and she digs him. Most of the girls on the She-Ra cartoon enjoyed whenever He-Man would guest appear, but He-Man always seemed to be more interested in his own sister (and that's a completely different blog post). Glimmer was hot because of her attitude towards everything. Everything was cool with her. "Hey Glimmer, let's go throw rocks at old people." She'd say "Okay, whatever you wanna do." And with pink hair like that, you just gotta find out if the carpet matches the curtains. Possible Date Idea: Take her dancing at a club with lots of flashing lights, then get her really drunk. At that point, she'll not only wanna take you home, but she'll also invite She-Ra to tag along for a threesome.

#1 - Harley Quinn This girl is totally fucking crazy. And I love crazy chicks. Harley Quinn, originally Harleen Quinzell before being seduced by the Joker, is probably the most famous character from Batman: The Animated Series. Fanboys can't get enough of her. She's totally dedicated to her psychotic, abusive boyfriend, and as mentioned above she might also have a thing for Poison Ivy. I dunno what it is about a girl who dresses up as a clown... but you just gotta love it. Harley goes to the extreme to win the love and admiration of her man. One time she almost killed Batman, but her big mistake was that she was holding him for Mr. J to make the final kill. You can't rely on Batman to just hang around and wait to be offed.  Possible Date Idea: Just take her cruisin' and see what kind of trouble you can get into together. Don't expect to get in her pants on the first date though. She'll make you earn it.

That's it for this Top 11! Hope you all enjoyed it!
- ryan