Top 11 Video Game Babes

Chun-Li

Since you all loved my Top 11 Cartoon Babes list so much, I have been asked to do a Top 11 Video Game Babes list.  Now, be forewarned that I am NOT a gamer.  I've never even touched most of the popular games from the last ten years.  So if you're looking for some Final Fantasy babes or GTA babes, they're not here.  My video game knowledge is mostly limited to the games I played as a teen in the 90s and the NHL series by EA Sports. And try as you might, Zdeno Chara of the Boston Bruins just isn't a babe in my books.  I tried to play Arkham Asylum and never bothered finishing it.  And I love me some Batman.

So here we go.
  
11. Cooking Mama (Cookling Mama Cook Off)
I don't really care for this game.  The Lovely Wife played it a lot when we first got a Nintendo Wii in 2008.  We used our leftover Honeymoon money to buy one.  Anyway, Cooking Mama is here simply because a girl who can cook is sexy to me.

10. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)
You might wonder why Miss Croft is so low on this list.  One reason: the movie.  I just don't like Angelina Jolie.  Sorry Angelina, nothing personal.  I guess that's not very nice of me.  I don't even know her.  I've heard that Daisy Ridley might be playing Lara Croft.  If that happens, she'll move up higher on this list.

09. Head Mistress Helga (Revolution X)
As usual, I've found a way to somehow insert Aerosmith into my Top 11 list.  You should be used to it by now.  When I first played this game as a young teen, Helga was clearly a villain.  But now as an adult, the idea of Head Mistress Helga in her black leather with her whip is kinda cool.  And she kidnapped Aerosmith.  High five.

Music is the weapon to defeat Head Mistress Helga!  Shoot her with CDs!  I'm not kidding!  Fire those CDs!

08. Judy Nails (Guitar Hero II)
Chicks who play the guitar are hot.   'Nuff said.

07. Marian (Double Dragon)
Years of reading comic books has left with me a complex that think damsels in distress are attractive.  Though I always wondered why both of the Double Dragons were on this quest.  Once rescued, did they have to share Marian?  Would they eventually battle for her love, and ultimately sweet, sweet kisses? 

06. Chun-Li (Street Fighter II Turbo)
Back in the day nobody wanted to be beat up by a girl.  At one point in history it was actually embarrassing to get beat up by a girl.  Time have changed, and so have  mindsets, and I think getting whooped by Chun-Li would be pretty sexy.

She can fly!!!!!!!!!!!

05. Princess Toadstool (Super Mario Bros. 2)
I'm old school.  I just can't bring myself to call her Princess Peach.
Also, I'm picking the version from Super Mario 2 because this was the first game where she actually contributed.  We already have one damsel in distress on this list.  I remember playing this game as a kid and since you could choose which character to use, so many people would use the Princess because, "she can fly".  I like to think this just made it easier to look up Toadstool's dress.

04. You (The Sims)
Good morning beautiful.  You're a fucking gorgeous human being.  Now, create an exact copy of yourself in a computer game and lock yourself in a room until you pee on the floor.

03. Princess Zelda (Zelda)
It's unfortunate that the adventures of Link weren't named after him.  I mean, if you're talking with someone about sexy video game characters (like maybe I was for this blog) and they never played many games and just know the titles you might get a weird look for saying something like, "I'd totally hook up with Zelda."  Because the other person might think you're talking about Link.  Or maybe they're giving you a weird look because you're talking about having sex with a video game character.  Or maybe you live in your parents' basement.  And you wonder why you keep getting stuck in the "Friend Zone" with chicks.

02. Rosalina (Mario Kart Wii)

I'd blow in her cartridge.

I have made so many inappropriate comments about Rosalina over the years while playing Mario Kart, that to this day when we play The Lovely Wife refers to her as "Your Stupid Whore Girlfriend" when Rosalina hits her with a red shell.
I even blogged about her being a total babe - "Rosalina Is a Total Babe"

01. Juliet (Lollipop Chainsaw)
This is one of my favorite video games ever.  And I never even finished it.  I just loved the idea of a high school cheerleader running around with a chainsaw and slashing up zombies.  It was pretty much everything I ever loved about the shitty movies my buddy Riot used to make me watch all those years ago. I read some poor reviews of this game before buying it, and still said, "Fuck it, it's a cheerleader with a chainsaw slashing up zombies... shut up and take my money."

Thanks for reading!
-ryan

(And how about an honorable mention to the Leisure Suit Larry series, which could have it's own Top 11 in this category...)