I'm Not Ashamed I Read...Y'Know

Back in "the day" (as many seem to call it), I used to go for long, random walks with my buddy Riot. There was never a destination planned, and we were happy so long as there was plenty of hot chicks to look at along the way.  Throw in some McDonald's milkshakes and 7-11 Hot Dogs and we were ecstatic.

Those hot dogs will fuck you up.

Long story short, we always managed to stumble upon a little game of ours called "I'm Not Ashamed I Read Porn." The idea was simple: all one had to do to play along was finish that sentence.

"I'm not ashamed I read porn, I'm just ashamed that I can't actually read.".
"I'm not ashamed I read porn, I'm just ashamed it's the Rosie O'Donnell Collector's Edition".
"I'm not ashamed I read porn, I'm just ashamed that I saw my sister in one".
"I'm not ashamed I read porn, I'm just ashamed that I borrowed it from the public library."
"I'm not ashamed I read porn, but the lovely wife thinks I'm slightly obsessed with Lexi Belle."

And so on. And so on.


But the real question is: Should ANYONE actually be ashamed to read porn? Or even just look at the pictures? The Adult Industry has become more widely accepted among the general public over the past ten years. Names like Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy have become as common as Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts. Most of today's music videos are only two steps away from being porn. Don't get me wrong, I sit and stare at the "Umber-ella, ella, ella, eh eh eh" video and won't turn away even if the fucking house is on fire. Most of these pop princesses can shake n' move better than half the porn queens. And really, when you compare someone like Britney Spears to someone like Briana Banks, it's hard to tell who is actually faking it more. Lip syncing at concerts just blows... and hey, so do most porn stars!

Let's get one thing straight once and for all: Playboy Magazine is NOT pornography. It's not exactly a Disney sing-a-long either, but there is really nothing smut-like about Hef's mag. No, no, porn requires penetration. And sometimes double. And while it may not float your boat, it sure is floating someone's boat.  People aren't hiding their secret desires as much as they used to.  They just aren't insecure about them anymore.  Is the internet to thank or blame for that?  I dunno, I'm not about to become an expert on what your secret fantasies are.


(Can you tell which one is Britney and which one is Briana? I'll take either... or both!)
Pornography has broken off into so many different facets that it's "hard" to decide what you're going to look at. There's boy-girl, girl-girl, threesome, gangbang, milf, tranny, pregnant, teen, bukkake, and pretty much anything you could imagine that involves stuffing something into an orifice.  A Heineken bottle, maybe?

The recent "rise" of the porn phenomenon is mostly due to the internet, of course. These days you don't have to go to the other side of town and find a convenience store where nobody speaks English just to buy a porn mag secretly. Chances are you were looking at porn online earlier today. That's the difference between today and twenty years ago. Twenty years ago people would wake up, make coffee, and read the paper. Today, people wake up, make their coffee, and then sit in front of their computer and watch people fuck each other. Progress?

There's not much in my local newspaper anymore anyway.  What about yours?

So you really shouldn't be ashamed that you read porn... assuming that you actually fucking read it. I'm not ashamed that I read porn. But I am a little ashamed that I felt the need to write an article about justifying it. 

Reasons You Shouldn't Be Ashamed To Look At Porn:
1. It's way more common than you think. It's not just an industry for men anymore.
2. It's educational. You can learn new tricks and positions to try with your partner.
3. It's a fantastic stress reliever.
4. You're going to go blind someday anyway.

Thanks for reading!

- ryan