Those Would-Be World Conquerors

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the Bad Guys won?

Suppose those stupid Ewoks were never found and the Death Star wasn't destroyed. Or Sloth never helped The Goonies. Or Egon never thought to cross the streams, and Gozer devestated Manhattan. These are the things that keep me up at night. So let's take a look at four Would-Be World Conquerors. What would the world be like if they succeeded for a change? 

Hank Scorpio
When we last saw Hank Scorpio he was running the Globex corporation. But that was secretly a front for an organization hell-bent on taking over the world. Homer Simpson took a job working for Scorpio, but quit before we ever found out if Hank won or lost his battle. We can only assume that Scorpio was not successful. However, if he did actually conquer the planet it might not have been so bad. Scorpio always had sugar available (even if not in packets) and he treated his employees very well. Would he have been so different to his worldly subjects? I can only see the scenario playing out one way. Scorpio would rule the world until he was taken down by the sheer awesomeness of Knight Rider. Then the people would be free again. 

Cobra Commander
Cobra Commander is the leader of Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world. But he keeps losing to G.I.Joe. If Cobra were successful in defeating those Joes we could see increased Global Health Care, stronger Free Trade Issues, and free Dance Lessons for everyone. I hear Cobra Commander is a big fan of the salsa. Mind you, if you get out of line (or steal the Commander's dance partner) you'd be lucky to escape with your life. 

General Zod
If it weren't for the Son of Jor-El we would all have really scraped up knees. Yeah, if General Zod were actually able to maintain control over Planet Houston we would all be kneeling left, right, and center. Zod surely would've created a strong Global workforce, building castles and a palace dedicated to our leader. On the downside, he probably would've instituted an all black, glimmering dress code. Nobody needs to see me wearing one of those outfits. 

Pinky and The Brain
I'm not entirely convinced that Pinky and The Brain haven't already taken over the world. Just look at how our planet is run. Some of the cracked out news events seem like they would've been orchestrated by two lab mice running around in a wheel. Brain (the mastermind behind the whole operation) really uses Pinky to meet women. Brain isn't confident enough about his looks, so he keeps Pinky around to make himself look better. Behind every good leader is a good, strong woman. Remember that.

So the next time we're faced with a situation dealing with a possible despot, we should take a moment and consider all possibilities, good and bad. Because when you get down to it, "Shredder's School of Fine Cuisine" and "Skeletor's Deficit Refinement Plan" don't seem like bad ideas at all.

Thanks for reading!
- ryan