Optimus Prime Time

Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots. Who are the Autobots, you ask? Well, if you're asking that, then you either weren't around in the 80s, or spent the better part of the last twenty years following CNN News Headlines such as the OJ Trial.

Let's start again, shall we? Optimus Prime is the leader of the Autobots. The Autobots are the good-guy Transformers. You know, robots in disguise. For many of us that grew up in the 80s, Optimus Prime represents a father figure for us. Sure, it's a Saturday Morning father figure, and one that stands several thousand feet tall, but many of us created our moral foundation based on the adventures of Optimus and his gang of Autobots.

The Transformers came to Earth millions of years ago. The Decepticons (those are the bad guys) led by the evil, power hungry, Megatron hijacked Optimus' spaceship and they crash landed on our planet. Optimus was on a mission to find some Energon to power their home planet of Cybertron. Yeah, there's a lot of funny words in that sentence. Basically, both the good and bad Transformers were stuck on Earth with no way to get home and us puny humans were caught up in their war.

Optimus Prime represents leadership. Diplomatic at times, and often seen as being hesitant for action, Optimus was not afraid to do battle when it was the only option left. Possibly the most noble of all of Prime's attributes is the fact that he shows no fear when putting himself in danger to protect his own comrades. Whenever that sissy little Bumblebee was in danger, Optimus would stick his neck out to protect him from Megatron. For a robot, Optimus is one compassionate mother fucker.

Optimus Prime transforms into a big friggin' truck. That's cool.

Optimus even went so far as to let a girl on the team. He recognizes that in the future women have rights too, and if a woman wants to be a robot in disguise, well that's just swell to him. Personally I think he let Arcee on the team just so he could show her off as some kind of trophy wife to all the other Autobots.

Optimus Prime is a fair and honest leader, but deep down he is a guy. And we all love showing off our ladies so the less desirable can be jealous. Really now, would Arcee go for a guy who could Transform into a bicycle when she could go with Optimus and his wicked truck? Nope.

Maybe a sports car though...

Why are Optimus and Megatron such bitter enemies? Well, I heard that they were actually buddies back in Robot College. One night after several turns on the beer-bong at a party Optimus started feeling ill. He puked everywhere. Below you'll see the photo of Megatron actually pointing and laughing at Optimus on his knees after just barfing on the floor. Megatron hates Optimus for not being able to keep down that case of beer he bought. There was some whiskey involved too.  At least that's what I'm told.  So Megatron vowed to get revenge on Optimus for wasting the $40. And that's how the bitter war between them started.  True story, I think.

Inside Optimus is the Autobot Matrix of leadership. He carried this thing around with him for years without letting any of us know, because it was meant to light the Autobots' darkest hour. Well, he never got to use it because he died fighting Megatron. Optimus passed on the Matrix to his good pal Ultra Magnus. Now, we all know that the most qualified Transformer for the job was Hot Rod. After all, he had flames on the side of his car. But Optimus found out about Arcee's secret love affair with Hot Rod and couldn't bring himself to pass the Matrix on to him. That is where we can all relate with the great leader of the Autobots. Deep down he is just as much of a human as we are.

The more I think about it, if it were up to me, I would have passed on the Autobot Matrix of leadership to Jazz.  Hands down, the coolest Transformer ever.

So let's remember Optimus Prime as the great leader he was. Hero. Friend. Soldier. Idol. French Fry Enthusiast. Dana, The Lovely Wife, nixed the notion of naming our first born child Optimus. She just doesn't understand.  We named her Ryleigh instead.

Here's a quick haiku for our hero, Optimus Prime: 
Autobot leader
Inspiration to us all
Transform and roll out

Thanks for reading!
- ryan