Love Is...

Love.
Love is a word that is thrown around way too much and yet not enough.

Who do you love? What do you love? Why do you love? What is love?

You know something, I don't really know how to define love. I just know we're quick love something that can't possibly love us back, but get scared at sharing love with another human being.

I love chocolate.
I love the way those shoes look on you.
Don't you just love that new Taylor Swift song?
I love having a day off with nothing to do.
You should try this.  You'll love it.

But when it comes to loving someone, or allowing someone's love into your life, we're more timid about it.  We often try to put it off, or evaluate that love to make sure it's actually love we're feeling.

That's actually pretty fucking stupid.

Seriously, if love is the greatest feeling in the world, then why would we be so scared of letting it into our lives?  Why do we put limitations on it, such as making sure we've waited six months of knowing someone to tell them we love them?  Just in case it wasn't actually love?  Can love be one-sided? Why do we worry to tell someone that we love them?  In case they don't say it back?  Or feel the same?

Well, that's also stupid.  And selfish.
Love, you see, in all actuality is a very selfish emotion.  Love is all about how we feel, and what it does to us.  Now, before you lay into me with tales of selfless love you need to remember that the feeling you get from loving someone, and them knowing that you love them, is also a personal feeling.  It's yours.  Love is selfish.  Love is all about you.

So let's go back to the idea of a one-sided love.  Let's suppose I love you (lucky you!) and have just told you so for the first time.  And let's suppose you don't feel the same way (don't worry, you wouldn't be the first) and do not reciprocate my love.  Well, do I just stop loving you? Just because you don't love me back I'm supposed to just change my feelings?  Sounds pretty selfish to me.  Sounds like a boy taking his basketball and going home because he was picked last to be on the team.  Selfish brat.

I love peanut butter cups.  I really do.  Just thinking about them makes me want to go and have them. I want them to be a part of my life, because of how they make me feel.  But if I saw you on the street talking shit about peanut butter cups, am I going to haul off and punch you in the face?  Probably not, but I've also never met someone who talked trash about a three-pack of Reese's.  If you were calling my lovely wife or kids some awful names I'd be more likely to introduce your fist to my face.  I love my lovely wife and kids, and I love peanut butter cups.

So what about when we don't want someone's love?  That's pretty selfish too, when you think about it.  When someone shows you love and you don't love them back - that's okay.  That's perfectly fine.  You are allowed to love whoever you want.  But what isn't fair is saying someone is weird, or creepy, or crazy just for loving you.  Even a little bit.  If you think someone is weird just for loving you, then essentially you're saying that you're not worth loving.  And that's not fair to you either.

I loved many people in my short life.  And I still love every single one of them.  I don't believe love is something that ever really goes away.  Situations change, responsibilities change, and we complicate our lives with expectations that we feel we deserve, but in the end - love is just love.  I hear people say they've fallen out of love with a significant other, which really just means that they weren't getting out of a relationship what they wanted or were putting in.  But the actual emotion?  The love? It's there.  Maybe everything else around it just became more difficult and complex.

If you're still reading along here, then you should know that this selfish emotion of love... having it is okay. Don't feel bad that loving someone else makes you feel good.  Be a little selfish. Feel good.  Or, feel great - love more people. You don't have to commit your life to everyone you feel love for. Sometimes love is just for a moment. And maybe that's what makes it so special.

Thanks for reading.
-ryan