Friday, December 11, 2015

A Letter To Yukon Cornelius

Dear Mr. Cornelius,

Dude, what's up with your obsession over silver and gold? Like, couldn't you just pick either silver or gold? Talk about greedy! And more so, do you prefer white gold or yellow gold? After all, white gold kinda looks like silver. And if you ask around you'll find that some people (me included) think that yellow gold looks cheap when compared to white gold.

Changing the subject, do you happen to have a brother by the name of N.W.T. Cornelius?

And what was Rudolph really like? I mean, we all know he's "cude" (he's cude, he's cude!), but did you ever get a chance to have a real man-to-man with him over some beers? If you are talking to him soon maybe you could ask him something for me. In the song "Run Run Rudolph" by Chuck Berry there's a lyric that states Run Run Rudolph... Randolph Ain't Too Far Behind. Now tell me this. Who the heck is Randolph? Is it Rudolph's retarded brother?

I shouldn't really occupy any more of your time. I'm sure you have ores to mine, monsters to harrass, and dentists to push around. Have a good Xmas.

- Ryan Fan Club

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