The Best of 2015!

Once again it's time to look back on what happened in a calendar year.  I do this every year, and it's important to remember that this is all my opinion.  My best isn't necessarily your best, or your mama's best, or your drug dealer's best. 

Entertainment wise, 2015 was a pretty decent year.  Here's what I liked best about it.

The Best Movies of 2015
1. Creed
Let's get one thing straight - I was fully ready to make The Force Awakens the #1 movie of the year from the time I saw the first trailer.  Then something happened.  A new Rocky movie came out.  While a new Star Wars flick is the one that made me most excited, it was Creed that had me leaving the theater fully blown away.  Props to Trainwreck for being hysterical and giving John Cena something interesting to do (I don't mean being naked).  And Cinderella was a surprising amount of fun too.
2. The Force Awakens
3. Terminator: Genysis
4. Trainwreck
5. Cinderella

The Best Music of 2015
1. Prince: Hit N' Run Phase One
I didn't buy a whole lot of new music this year, but what I did drop money on I really liked.  Prince put out two new albums this year, with the first one being incredible and the second being just okay.  Buckcherry is no stranger to this yearly list either.  Hollywood Vampires is a classic rocking album that everyone should take a listen to (Alice Cooper + Joe Perry + Johnny Depp = awesome).  A new Bon Jovi record came out with very little attention.  It's good, but is definitely missing Ritchie Sambora.
2. Buckcherry: Rock N' Roll
3. Hollywood Vampires
4. Bon Jovi : Burning Bridges
5. Steven Tyler - Love Is Your Name

The Best TV of 2015
1. The Muppets
This fall was also the most excited I've been for new TV in a long time.  The Muppets is just perfect, Supergirl keeps getting better, and Ash VS Evil Dead reminds us what we loved about Sam Raimi's flicks in the first place.  There's actually more TV I've wanted to catch up on but haven't had the time to, because there's just so much good on right now.  Hell, I could even add in some of the shows my kids watch because those are darn good too.
2. Supergirl
3. Ash Vs Evil Dead
4. Flash
5. WWE Raw

The Best Babes of 2015
1. Melissa Benoist (Supergirl)
I keep using the word "Adorkable" for this new Supergirl.  I forget where I stole the phrase from but I'm going to keep using it.  Seriously, watch that show.  You'll fall in love with her.  Paige continues to be the main reason I tune in to WWE Raw on Monday nights.  And Dillion Harper is... well, I'm sure you can figure that out.  If not, there's such a thing as Google.  Taylor Swift continues to leave messages on my phone, and Daisy Ridley has become everyone's new favorite Jedi. 
2. Paige (WWE Diva)
3. Dillion Harper (Moms Bang Teens #11)
4. Taylor Swift
5. Daisy Ridley (The Force Awakens)

So that's what I thought of 2015.
What did you like best?

- ryan

A Letter To Yukon Cornelius

Dear Mr. Cornelius,

Dude, what's up with your obsession over silver and gold? Like, couldn't you just pick either silver or gold? Talk about greedy! And more so, do you prefer white gold or yellow gold? After all, white gold kinda looks like silver. And if you ask around you'll find that some people (me included) think that yellow gold looks cheap when compared to white gold.

Changing the subject, do you happen to have a brother by the name of N.W.T. Cornelius?

And what was Rudolph really like? I mean, we all know he's "cude" (he's cude, he's cude!), but did you ever get a chance to have a real man-to-man with him over some beers? If you are talking to him soon maybe you could ask him something for me. In the song "Run Run Rudolph" by Chuck Berry there's a lyric that states Run Run Rudolph... Randolph Ain't Too Far Behind. Now tell me this. Who the heck is Randolph? Is it Rudolph's retarded brother?

I shouldn't really occupy any more of your time. I'm sure you have ores to mine, monsters to harrass, and dentists to push around. Have a good Xmas.

- Ryan Fan Club

Tanner Claus Is Coming To Town?

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the place
Ozma, my cat, was giving a chase;
The stockings were hung by the gawdy green tree
In hopes that we'd be visited by Uncle Jesse;
The bottle of white wine was nearly all done,
While visions of "Full House" played in re-run;
And Dana in her jammies, and I my pink shoes
Had just realized we were all out of booze,
When out of nowhere there arose such a noise
I then thought the cat had knocked over my toys
When, what to my wondering eyes should be seen
But Danny Tanner, whose jokes were not clean
With a friend saying "Cut it out" on the phone
I knew in a moment it was Joey Gladstone.
The Tanner family had finally came,
And they hugged and laughed and called out their names;
"Now DJ! Now Steve! Now Michelle and Stephanie!
On Comet! Kimmy Gibbler! On Alex and Nicky!"
And then, in a twinkling, I heard before long
The dancing and remaking of a hit Beach Boys song.
Knocked over the bottle as I turned around,
Thru the chimney Uncle Jesse came to rock down.
He was dressed all in leather from his head to his hand
And his sideburns attached to a mullet so grand;
An electric guitar he flung on his back,
A gift from the Rippers about five years back.
He had awesome hair from all of the mousse
That stayed in place and never came loose
A wink of his eye and a point to his head,
Warning not to touch the hair or I'd end up dead;
He plugged in his guitar and ever so clever
He sang a Christmas version of his big hit, "Forever".
He then waved good-bye, a disappointing rub
But Uncle Jesse had a gig that night at the Smash Club.
And I heard him exclaim, as he rocked out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all! Have Mercy! Good-night!"

Ryan's Christmas Wish List 2015

 It's that time of year again, when I open up my heart and let you in on all my Christmas wishes for this holiday season.  While some of these may seem a little far-reaching, or even unattainable, I'd like to remind you that in the past I wished for several things that did come true (a Stanley Cup in Boston in 2011, the Ruby-Spears Superman cartoon on DVD, and a new Aerosmith album, just to name a few).  And of course there's one item that has eluded me since Christmas 1999.  So, as usual, we'll start there.

A Goddam Frigging Uncle Jesse Doll
Look, there's something that can be said about being persistent.   This doll has been at the top of my Christmas Wish List for just about forever (...and I'd ask the sky just what we had...), and I haven't gotten it yet.  Not either version of the bloody thing.  Originally I was simply asking for the Rockin' Uncle Jesse.  The one with the guitar and red shirt.  The guitar opens up to show pictures of Jesse's family.  These days, though, I feel as though my Christmas Wish has compounded interest and I won't settle for just the Rockin' Jesse.  Nope, I want the four-pack of dolls that include Uncle Jesse, Aunt Becky, and the twins.  I've seen these on eBay for about $200, still in their packaging.  I'm not picky.  They don't need to still be in the package.  I'd just take them out and play with them anyway.  So, if everyone would just chip in a few bucks, my Christmas wish could come true.  Now, I also realize that I could drop my own money on these toys, and that's okay, but here's the thing - I really want this given to me as a gift.  I want someone to find this doll somewhere and think of me.  Please, don't spend two hundred bucks on a toy.  Unless you want me to love you forever (...because I'll be so happy loving you...).

There's plenty of mercy to be had by all!

More Beer from Wychwood Brewery
I'm a big fan of Hobgoblin, and all of it's ugly sisters.  Seriously, King Goblin makes me all happy inside.  Even Hobgoblin Gold is a nice afternoon ale.  The Wychwood Brewery has been making quality beers for the better half of my legal adulthood.  The one exception is "Scarecrow", which is a fucking horrid piece of shit beer.  Stop brewing it, guys.  I'd like to see a return of Fiddler's Elbow and Black Wych, or an easier way to get Imperial Red than buying a gift pack that includes a bottle of Scarecrow.  So let's see what else these brew masters can come up with.  Maybe something with a dragon on the label?  Or a fire-breathing unicorn drinking blood? I know!  A one-eyed rabbit!  Those guys are awesome.  Keep up the good non-Scarecrow brews!

Christopher Reeve as Superman again

He'd whoop Batman's ass.

A few years back, some of the lost Superman IV: The Quest For Peace footage turned up as bonus material on a DVD release, but it wasn't all of it.  I'd really like to see that movie in it's entirety, even if it is a piece of shit.  Even if the graphics are awful, and the story is boring, and the actors are just phoning it in.  To me, it's another chance to see Christopher Reeve as Superman.  Hell, I'd even settle for someone using some nifty animation to fill in the gaps of the story.   But why stop there?  Why not make some direct-to-DVD animated features in the style of the classic Superman movies?  There were plot ideas for Superman battling with Brainiac and Mr. Mxyzptlk, and since CGI is good enough now to pull it off, all you'd need is some voice-alikes to make it all work.  Brandon Routh even sounded like Reeve when he did Superman Returns.  I'd buy them.  I'd watch them.  I think it's something that would make us all happy.
Note: In the meantime, there's a very good fan video on YouTube of Christopher Reeve's Superman battling the Hulk.  You should watch it.

A Lifetime Supply of Almonds
This one shouldn't be too hard to take care of.  Let's suppose I eat thirty whole almonds each day.  We then multiply that by how many days I expect to live, and it just becomes an easy math equation.  We let "A" represent almonds, "R" represent me, and ... and... math is hard.

don't forget to carry the one!

naughty time with you, me, and the lovely wife
I'm just gonna leave this here until she gives me trouble for it.

...or how about just a goddam Uncle Jesse doll?  Is it too much to ask?

- ryan

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Holy Mediclorians!

If you had any doubt in your mind that this "lost" Star Wars story never really happened, I'm here to tell you that the nightmare is real.

Well, it's not that bad. Or is it? Sure, the acting is horrible. There's little to no action at all. And some of it just drags and drags. But that's the main problem with this two-hour, rarely seen Star Wars adventure. It's just too freakin' long.

Chewbacca and his family celebrate Life Day on their planet (which looks much more peaceful than it did in Revenge of the Sith) and his family are worried because Chewie is late. Remember, our favorite Wookie just helped Whiney-Face Skywalker blow up the Death Star, so that makes him a wanted walking carpet in the eyes of the Galactic Empire. There's a few guest appearances (including Jefferson Starship) that don't make any sense and serve no real merit to this show. So if you ever get a chance to watch it, just skip past the crap. And not once do we see Darth Vader in a Santa hat.

Not even a cameo by my favorite babe of all-time, Bea Arthur, can save this special. Han Solo finally shows up with Chewie, then Princess Leia breaks out into song, and everyone has a super-duper Life Day. Except for maybe Bea Arthur, because the Empire shut down her Mos Eisley bar.

If The Star Wars Holiday Special has any saving grace, it's the cartoon featuring the very first appearance of Boba Fett. The animation was pretty cool, and having the real voices of Luke, Han, and Leia was nice too.

If you're a fan of Star Wars or just bad movies, you should try and check out the infamous Holiday Special. I won't lie to you. It's damn awful. I wasted two hours of my life watching it. Do you know how much internet porn I could look at in two hours? Still, I think I'd rather sit thru The Holiday Special again than watch the first Ewok movie.  And I've now seen the Holiday Special eight times.  Yep, I have that kind of mental resilience.

- ryan

this year was Ryleigh's first time watching the Holiday Special, and she loved it.