RRFC (Retro Ryan Fan Club) #4 - March '99...Getting Ryned!

March of '99 was when the RFC ball started rolling out of control.  It was also when I debuted the brand-new Ryan Fan Club logo.  Everyone else had a logo, so why not me?  It showed up on the top of Newsletter #5, and stuck around for nearly two years after that.

In March I also announced the nominees for the very first ever RFC Awards in Newsletter #6, and started hinting about a movie I would be making.  The usual craziness and randomness continued in the newsletter, all while I learned a valuable lesson: if you and a bunch of friends are going to be stuck on the highway in the middle of winter, in a broken down car, you should have a bag full of porno magazines with you to keep warm.

It was at this time that some of the Fan Club members starting becoming "Ryned". 

This was an interesting process, to say the least.  Basically, a few months after you became an RFC member you would become "Ryned".  It was like being knighted... but way sexier.  Think about it; what would you rather tell a chick on the first date?  "I'm a knight of the round table" or "I'm Ryned baby!".  The honor was getting to put my name in front of yours.  I'll use Jon Browne as an example, because he always seemed to be most excited about it (and I think he was the only fan I ever actually bothered to get all the way up to the third level).

So his name became Ryan Jon Browne.  Easy enough, right?  Oh, the fans would get a sticker for their card too.

After that, a few months later he could become "Lord Ryan Jon Browne"...and another sticker.  And then finally, "Jesus Lord Ryan Jon Browne".  It was a mouthful for sure, and it made a lot of unnecessary paperwork for the fans, so I dropped it like a bad habit.  Still, when I bump into Jon Browne these days he still brings up his Jesus Lord Ryanship.  That guy is awesome.

And this was really just a taste of what the first six months of the Ryan Fan Club were like.

Top 11 Captains

Who's the boss?  Usually it's Tony Mother Fuckin' Danza, but not today!

Today we're looking at the eleven greatest captains who ever captained anything.  So let's get happening!

#4

11. Captain America
This dude is the leader of the Avengers, and even though he had a really (enjoyably) shitty movie back in the 80s, he returned to the big screen last year and will be captaining the Avengers to the big screen this summer. 

10. Captain Kirk
I'm not such a fan of Star Trek, but anybody who allegedly fucked a green chick is pretty cool in my books.

9. Captain Morgan
If you want to be the captain of a great party, just bring along this captain.  Remember folks, having alcohol means people (especially pretty, naive girls) will like you more.

8. Captain Caveman
If you've never seen the Captain Caveman & Son cartoon - it's a must.  You'll be shouting his name for weeks afterwards.

7. Captain Jack Sparrow
This guy captained many catchphrases for the early part of the 2000s.  If it wasn't for him, none of us would've ever said "savvy" without feeling like a complete tool.

6. Captain Hook
Ol' Hookie here used to be a real ladies man - he's got the moustache, the sword skills, and a pretty swell feather in his hat.  But... it just so happens the ladies get a squeamish when they see a dude's fingers have been replaced with an iron hook.  When Captain Hook asks a lady out to dinner they seem to always have to wash their hair...

#3

5. Captain Marvel
SHAZAM!  'Nuff said.

4. Captain Carrot
This leader of The Amazing Zoo Crew made such an impact on his first appearance that he actually had to save Superman from certain doom. 

3. Captain Cackton
The driver of the GEO.  The greatest pool playing nemesis in the world.  A man who refuses to have any condiments on his chicken burger.  A guitar wielding, Dominos Pizza eating, PS2 hockey playing brother from another mother!

2. Captain Planet
Not only is he our hero.  Not only is he going to bring pollution down to zero.  But this mother fucker has a green mullet!  Suck on that pollution faces!

1. Cap'n Crunch
Hey may not be the greatest leader of them all, but every other captain on this list surely has a bowl of Cap'n Crunch before a long day of being in charge.  And that makes him the captain of all captains.

Still, as great as all these captains are... they're only captains.  They can go right ahead and Kneel Before General Zod any day now.

- Ryan

RRFC (Retro Ryan Fan Club) #3 - February 1999

Let's continue on the retro trek, shall we?

The fourth Ryan Fan Club Newsletter came out in February 1999 (even though it wrongfully lists the date as "Feb '98").  It continued the usual features, such as Top 10 Words To Use Instead of "Penis", The Toxika Files, and awesome quotes from everywhere and anywhere.  There was even a Recipe for pizza this time!

But really, the most memorable aspect of this Newsletter was the introduction of The Lord Of Chaos.

The Lord of Chaos wrote a little story in each issue that started simply with, "Did I ever tell you about the time..." and it could really go anywhere from there.  An alter ego of mine when I simply put on a top hat, The Lord of Chaos's stories soon began to rival the Toxika Files for most popular segment of the newsletter.

Please enjoy checking out this classic again!

- Ryan

DC Comics - The New... uh... Logo???

Wait a sec...
Didn't this just happen, like, six years ago?

DC Comics revealed a new company logo today that's supposed to blah blah blah, corporate-schmorporate stuff that has nothing to really do with comics.

It's a "clever" D overlaying on a C, but pulling up to metaphorically relate to the dual identity of many of the characters in the stories.  Or something like that. 

Frig, I was finally getting used to the new logo from 2005.  Seems as though when DC Comics gets working on a new Superman movie, they try to re-invent the brand.  The "New 52" Stories are selling well, and getting lots of critical praise... did they need this face lift?

Maybe they're just going through a Brand Identity Crisis...

If one version isn't enough, they have some that sparkle, some that crackle, and some that glow in blackest night.  Check 'em out.

There's even one just for The Watchmen.  Holy fuck.  Seriously?

Yeah, they look pretty neat-o, and will probably fare a lot better online when you can see them animated too.  I guess part of me just longs for the DC Bullet from the 80s.  That thing pretty much jumped off the corner of the cover. 

This new logo kinda looks like it could be on a shoebox.  I don't dislike it.  I don't really like it either though.  Meh.

What do you think?

RRFC (Retro Ryan Fan Club) #2 - January 1999

RFC Newsletter #2

You all liked the first installment of RRFC, so let's keep that ball rolling!
After my joke backfired, and I was stuck being known as Ryan Fan Club forever, all of my new fans (all 30 of them at this point) were clamoring for more RFC Newsletters.

I couldn't say no to my adoring public, so in January '99 I treated them to two new editions.  (By the way, if you save the images to your computer, you get a higher-res version in which you can see all the details perfectly clearly)

RFC Newsletter #2 featured more ramblings from my cat Toxika, as well as a recipe for Toast.  This new style, being completely handwritten, was really quite compelling to my new fans.  They saw it as an extension of me and my quirky personality.  It was artistic.  It was alternative.  It was very late-90s.

Also in this issue was a Top 10 Coolest People In The World, and a poem I'd written called "Gone (Sitting On The Brink)."  Originally written in the Spring of '98, I still consider that little poem to be one of the greatest things I've ever done.

RFC Newsletter #3

RFC Newsletter #3 continued the crazy style, and brought it up a notch too.  This time, none of the articles faced the same direction on the paper, forcing the reader to have to rotate the page and see the newsletter from a different perspective every time.  This meant you could set it down after reading, glance back a few hours later and see something you never saw before!  I was a fuckin' genius!

In this issue, I talked a lot about my wrestling alter ego, Ambush, as well as instigated the first RFC contest.  The winner would be lucky enough to have me come to their house and clean their toilet!  Also included was the Top 10 Movies of All Time, Top 10 Forms of Medication, and a pictorial "Evolution of Ryan" - which included a (censored) naked picture of me.

Of special note to the RFC purists out there are my lyrics to "Spank The Monkey", which are very different than the ones that ended up in the song I recorded of the same name in 2006.

Go ahead and enjoy both of these classic newsletters again!

- Ryan

Superman Returns - I Gave It A Third Chance

You bet I went to the opening of Superman Returns when it was released to theaters in 2006.  I did the midnight show.  I was super-excited for it, and I left the theater feeling very satisfied.  The movie is dripping with nostalgia, and I was very happy that it didn't veer from the original Christopher Reeve flicks.  It pretty much said, "we're not gonna mess around with a good thing," and did their best to keep the Reeve ball rolling.  I liked it so much I saw it twice in theaters.  That rarely happens.

Then I watched it again a few months later on DVD and I really disliked the movie.

It was too long.... downright boring at times... and what originally seemed like "nostalgia" and "paying homage" was actually more like Bryan Singer trying to re-make the original Superman movie.  There are direct quotes from the 1978 film in Superman Returns.  It uses the same musical score that John Williams wrote for '78.  Even the plot is pretty much the same: Luthor wants to get a bunch of land so he can get rich.  The only really new aspect was the inclusion of Superman's love-child with Lois Lane. 

The crazy part was that this little boy received so much criticism from fans at the time.  I thought it was a fresh approach, especially since this movie was considered loosely to be a sequel to Superman II.

I ended up really not liking Superman Returns and, for lack of a better word, I trashed it when people would talk about it.

Recently, a video essay surfaced on the Superman Homepage (watch it here if you have 20 minutes to kill) that examines Superman Returns in a different manner.  It suggests that the movie has a melancholic pace on purpose, and that all of those references to '78 are part of each character's attempt to move on with their life and tie up the loose ends that have been eating at them.  Essentially, the only way Superman can exist on planet Earth is to finally let go of the dead Krypton, which he does metaphorically in the movie's island-raising climax.

So I gave the movie a third chance on Friday night while I had the house to myself and could allow myself to watch it in a different light.  And now on Blu-Ray.

It's still too long.  They could've easily shaved twenty-five minutes off.  But I did understand what the essay was getting at.  This is a lonely Superman.  He lost his home, and gave up his adopted home to try and find his roots.  The one person he cared the most for on Earth, Lois Lane, moved on just fine without him.  He doesn't know how to fit back in.  This Superman isn't moody, or EMO, or even really whiny... he's just lost.

I enjoyed Superman Returns much more when watching it from this perspective.  It's better than I've been saying for the past couple years.  I still have a hard time accepting that they didn't give it a fresh face, but I can also look forward to Man Of Steel next year for that.

What do you think of this movie?

- Ryan

RRFC (Retro Ryan Fan Club) #1 - November 1998



Newsletter #1 - Nov. 1998

The great Mr. T once said, "You can't know where you're going if you don't know where you're from."

So I've decided to start re-sharing all those great memories with you once again.  I'm sure there are many Ryan-Fans out there who never got to see the original RFC Newsletters and 'Zines, so this is a great way to get accquainted with them.

For some of you, it'll be a nice trip down memory lane.

And some of you will just point and say, "I fucking had that thing on my bedroom floor for weeks!"

So let's take a look at the very first Ryan Fan Club Newsletter, as well as the original application form for membership.  (Note: Sadly, I no longer have any original RFC Membership cards in my vault, so if any Ryan-Fans still has one, I'd love to get a scan of it)

The history of how the Fan Club came to be is documented like crazy.  Long story short: it was a joke that backfired, and I had my own fan club.  I really did have piles of application forms back in '98 in my bookbag.  It was hand-written and photocopied by a really cute girl who worked at this place called Copy Express.  Her extreme attractiveness led me to do all of my photocopying there until 2004.

People who joined also received a letter of membership and a card (still sad I don't have one anymore).  From looking at it, you can see, it looks nothing like me.  And not just because I have long hair in that tiny photo.  The style was very crisp, clean, and lacked anything remotely to do with my crazy personality.  That all would change the following month.

As for the first Newsletter, it kicked off the regular articles the fans came to love for years, including The Toxika Files (written by my cat), a Top 10 List, and Yo Ryan! What's Been Goin' On?

Looking back at this first one today has brought me great frigign' joy, and a few laughs too.  If you like, I can continue to upload the others in future installments.

- Ryan

The Adventures of Ryan - Secret Origin

I've been getting requests to do some new Adventures of Ryan comic strips.  So until I get one completed, here's the "Secret Origin" story to wet your whistle.

(Click the picture to see it full size)

Warning!

Yeah, Thomas & Friends definitely needs a warning before each episode...

Today Is Very Special To Me

Today is a very special New Year's Day.  And not in the way that every episode of the 90's teen sitcom Blossom was a "very special episode of Blossom".

Ryleigh with Daddy

For those who don't know, I'm a proud daddy of a beautiful baby girl.  She's so cool, and so cute too, that she might even have a bigger fan club than my own.  I certainly have no problem talking about her for hours on end.

But I've always been very quiet about the horrible January 1st from a few years ago. 

You see, on New Year's Day 2009 my wife went through a miscarriage.  It was going to be our first child.  It was really hard to deal with, even more so for her... at least I can only imagine.  It really put a dark cloud on New Year's Day that was hard to escape from.  While many women suffer through miscarriages every single day, and they are really quite common especially in first pregnancies, it makes it worse to have it on a day that's already marked on the calendar as an event.  The loss made it hard to think of January 1st as a "Happy New Year".  And it sticks with you for a long time after.  Those of you who have gone through it know what I'm talking about. 

My way of dealing with the sorrow was to just put it off to the side.  Ignore it.  I thought that talking about it would only make it more real.  I just wanted it to all go away and be over with.

Well, that's finally happening today.  New Year's can be happy again.  I've been looking forward to today for a while now.  I can spend the day with my little Ryleigh, and my beautiful wife, and we can all kick 2012 off as a family.