Ultimate Poem

...this comes to us from my Newzinetter #4 (you can see the whole thing on the main page at http://www.ryanfanclub.com for a limited time) and it's very inspired by one of my childhood heroes from the 80's.  You can probably guess who.

Ultimate Poem
a poem by ryan fan club

a "self-portrait" I did in 1998.

let the clear discovery of the unknown journey
be made fully known within my eternity
that a man can be tested and fail upon his skill
or even witness one’s own destruction of will
for the outside suffering feels no real pain
and the inside insignificance falls like acid rain
we are living on the tail of the crashing comet
with only ourselves to collect the full debt
you owe nothing
unless you owe it to yourself
so speak with your lips in a closed position
and hear the words as a true acquisition
there is no fear in this realm for fear is absent
you can reach until the memory is distant
but do not continue to hold your hand out
forever, waiting for powers to come about
because only you alone can destroy panic
and administer your life in ways so tyrannic
that even the most royal of normal people
will watch for you upon that golden steeple
and wait with prayer for an approximate
measuring to declassify the illegitimate
but they know absolutely nothing of the ultimate;

Top 11 Retitled 80's Songs

I had such a good time writing RFC Newzinetter #4, that I'm going to be uploading it all into the blog for easy-reading (for those of you who aren't conditioned to read my true style of writing - it's all over the place)

Uncle Jesse's Girl

So here's the
Top 11 Retitled 80's Songs

11. You Shook Me All Night Long Until I Woke Up
10. I Laugh When Doves Cry
09. If OK With You, I Want Your Sex
08. Billie's Jeans Aren't Real Levi's
07. Girls Just Want To Have Fungus
06. Unusually Cold Summer of '69
05. Safety Dancing In The Dark
04. Sweet Child O' Mein Kampf
03. Mony Mony Mony Mony Mony
02. Never Gonna Give You Up For Adoption Unless I Have To
01. Uncle Jesse's Girl

Newzinetter #4

Ryan Fan Club Newzinetter #4

Idjits n' Midjits

Here's something new, just for the hell of it.

Pretty, ain't it?

Ain't that just the truth, how the world is full
Of idjits n' midjits thinking they're so on top
And thinking's kinda hard to do for themselves
Like, they can read what's on the paper but
Not know what it really means
Ex is ex, and why is why
And could Eh Be See then?
And did I just hear someone shout "OMG"?
Oh, goodness gracious me-oh-my
Just sound out those words, go on and give it a try
We're all just so conditioned, aren't we?
Though most of us aren't in very good condition anymore
I guess the good lord should've kept us in the packaging
Instead of taking us out to play with
The paint rubs off, the joints get loose, and
We're all destined to lose our best accessory
... mine would've been a battle ax or a fire sword...
But if we can't be mint anymore, we can at least be
Near mint - whatever that really is... Near mint...
Or slightly above average, which is what the
Idjits and Midjits are calling you to encourage you
You know, gotta earn that minimum wage
On someone Else's time, er... I mean someone Else's dime
And you gotta give a couple dimes back to the taxman
When we would've all been better off to give 'em to the Axman
And thus the idjits n' midjits, or midjits n' idjits
As they'll be called after a fuss is made over who comes first,
Wouldn't know who the Axman was anyway...
Hmph - who comes first... isn't the important thing
That everyone just gets to come in the first place?
And first place is fine and dandy if you're facing east
But don't face west, cause then look out - you're last place instead
And that guy you gave some spare change to is now in first
And he's driving your car and kissing your girl
And you're angry for a second or two...
Wait a minute... how can there be two seconds?
Wouldn't the second second be the third?
One second... what a bizarre concept
Goddam those idjits n' midjits

- ryan of the ryan fan club

Top 11 Pink Things

It's never been a secret that my fav'rit color is, in fact, pink.  I've taken a lot of unnecessary heat for it over the years too.  Some people have even tried to tell me that my favorite color is actually "salmon".  Nope, pink is just fine with me.  I just dig pink, if you haven't already noticed.

So here are eleven awesome pink things.

11. p!nk
10. Lois Lane's undies in Superman: The Movie
9. Bubblegum
8. my Hanson t-shirt
7. Pink Floyd's "The Wall"
6. Pepto Bismol
5. a pair of pink Converse All-Stars
4. Aerosmith's "Pink"
3. A freshly washed and pressed vagina
2. Bret "Hitman" Hart's shades
1. Kimberly, the Pink Power Ranger

Now, did we see anything pink in there?

- ryan of the ryan fan club