The Best of 2014

The year is almost over, and thus it is time once again for my picks as the best of the last twelve months.  I think it's important to note that anybody's "top" list is always just an opinion of personal taste, so if you don't agree with my selections that's just too bad.

Here we go!

Mahhhkey Mahhhhhk!

Movies
I'd say that 2014 was a darn good year for movies.  Sure there was some awful shit from Michael Bay, but we're all accustomed to just avoiding those flicks by now.  As usual, my picks aren't going to win the Oscar for Best Picture, but they certainly entertained me.
1. Dawn of The Planet of The Apes
2. Muppets Most Wanted
3. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For
4. The Expendables 3
5. The Lego Movie
*special honorable mention to Personal Space Invader


Songs

I never liked Bruno Mars until this.

2014 will go down as the greatest year of shitty pop music.  There was so much typical garbage on the radio that I just couldn't avoid, and also didn't want to.  Hell, I even caught myself singing along to "Let It Go" with my daughter.
1. Uptown Funk - Mark Ronson
2. Say Fuck It - Buckcherry
3. You Really Got A Hold On Me - Smokey Robinson & Steven Tyler
4. Breakfast Can Wait - Prince
5. Word Crimes - "Weird Al" Yankovic

Puddin'

Comics (I refuse to call these things "graphic novels") 
DC Comics leads the way in 2014, with Harley Quinn by Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner.  Seriously, it's the most consistent fun in comics right now, and it even warranted a whole blog from me about it. 
1. Harley Quinn (inc. all the specials and annuals)
2. He-Man & The Masters of The Universe
3. Alice Cooper
4. Aw Yeah Comics
5. Adventures of Superman

Brucio.

Books (yeah, I read more than just comics...)
This was the hardest list for me to compile because, while I do read a lot of books - mostly autobiographies - it's pretty rare that I buy them when they're brand new releases.  I usually wait for them to go on clearance price or show up in the second hand shops for $4.  With that said, there were a few books I couldn't wait to read this year.
1.Let's Start A Riot - Bruce McCulloch
2. Dirty Daddy - Bob Saget
3. Rocks - Joe Perry
4. Jim Henson; The Biography - Brian Jay Jones
5. Frozen: Olaf's "A Day In The Sun" sticker book

Mmmmmmmmmmm

Babes
Well, it looks as though I've finally taken Miss Lexi Belle off the top of my babes list.  Really though, it's probably because I don't want you - my loyal fans - to think that I'm a hyper-perv.  Okay, we all know Lexi will always be #1 in my heart of babes, but let's let Paige have her turn on top for a while.
1. Paige (WWF Diva)
2. Lexi Belle
3. Taylor Swift
4. Jessica Alba
5. Molly Quinn

Nick Miller is the man.

TV Shows
I think it's important to note that I didn't actually start getting into New Girl until this past summer.  It's that darn good.
1. New Girl
2. Gotham
3. Tosh.0
4. The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon
5. Storage Wars

- ryan of the ryan fan club

What Would Santa Want For Christmas?

me with Santa in the 80s

You know, at this time of the year we all get a bit greedy.  It's not all bad either.  Sometimes we get greedy about giving.  We all tend to go overboard about what we want to spoil our friends and family with in terms of gifts.

When we think about the big guy up north in the ice fortress- Santa Claus, not Superman - we always think about what he can bring us.  But, what would Santa Claus like for Christmas?

Do you suppose the elves give him gifts?
Does Mrs. Claus wait patiently under the mistletoe in some sexy Santa-themed lingerie while he's out spending an evening in a bunch of chimneys?

When I told my daughter that we leave milk and cookies for the jolly fat man, she decided that Santa might like a new coffee cup instead.  When we go visit Santa at the mall for overpriced photos this weekend, she's going to bring him a new coffee cup as a gift.  Sure, we'll probably cheap out and get him one from the dollar store but we're really just interested in seeing the look on Santa's face when someone gives him a gift for a change. 

It was my daughter's coffee cup idea that prompted me to come up with today's blog.  When we think of thoughtful gifts, it turns out that Santa is actually kind of tough to shop for.  Almost like most of our fathers - Santa probably has everything he needs.

Greatest Christmas album ever

Oh, and other than delivering presents on Christmas Eve we don't really know what else Santa does with the rest of his time.  Think about it, the elves make the toys for him.  I don't believe he spends 364 days looking at the naughty-or-nice list.  That would be a bit obsessive for anybody.  He might as well memorize the phone book.

So I've put together a list of things Santa might want for Christmas.  Well, if I were Santa anyway...

•  a new stereo for the sleigh - one with a port for his iPod, so he can listen to the Hanson Christmas album while delivering presents
• a Tide To Go stick, for when some of those chimneys get his red suit to sooty. 
• Just For Men Mustache & Beard, to give him a bit of a younger feel for the summer
• some Nesquik, because regular milk and cookies must get boring after the hundredth serving.

...and that's really all I got.  Like I said, we don't really know Santa all that well outside of his Christmastime activities.  For all we know, Santa might be an amazing Backgammon player.  Or maybe he likes fly fishing.  Or he's a hobbyist photographer.  Or a knitting enthusiast.

Could it be possible that Santa is a stamp collector?

No matter.  I'm sure Santa would be happy with whatever gift he receives.

And if not, he can just re-gift to one of the millions of children in the world.  And you'd never know.

- ryan of the ryan fan club

Top 11 Movies That Are Really Christmas Movies

It's time to take a look back at eleven movies we love that we may not have realized were actually Christmas movies all along.  Just because there ain't no flying reindeer, contracts to make you Santa Claus (no E), or comedians dressed up as elves doesn't mean these aren't great Holiday classics in their own right. 

11. I Am Legend (2007)
Will Smith is alone with his dog in a world that was destroyed by disease... or something.  It was so long ago that I watched this movie.   Anyway, the genocide took place on Christmas Day so if you really don't like Christmas then this is the best place to start.
10. Trading Places (1983)
The classic comedy that features Eddie Murphy getting rich on Dan Aykroyd's money during the holiday season.  At the end of the day, who hasn't spent a little bit of Aykroyd's money at some point in their lives?
9. Mean Girls (2004)
Alright, this one takes place over an entire school year, but who could forget that little holiday assembly number featuring Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams in slutty Santa costumes?  Add in the fact that they probably just turned 18 at that point, and you've got a film worthy of roasting your chestnuts over.

They don't look so mean...

8. The Ref (1994)
Dennis Leary robs your house and ends up smelling like cat piss for 90+ minutes.  It's a decent comedy, and I'm not just saying that because Leary is a huge Bruins fan too. 
7. Just Friends (2005)
What happens when the fat kid comes home and turns out to be rich, attractive, and really annoying?  If you're a chick, it probably doesn't matter much so long as he looks like Ryan Reynolds.  That guy could make sweet love to all the women in a room before getting all the way in the door.
6. Trapped In Paradise (1994)
Nicolas Cage normally doesn't make good movies, but thanks to Jon Lovitz and Dana Carvey, he's got a funny hit on his hands.  This is the tale of three bank robbers on Christmas Eve who end up breaking back into the bank to put the money back when Nicolas Cage has a change of heart.

Everybody can change!

5. Lethal Weapon (1987)
Celebrate the birth of Christ with Mel Gibson 15 years before that "Passion" film!  And also, I just recently learned that Danny Glover's "Too Old For This Shit" house is the same house that the annoying neighbors in National Lampoons' Christmas Vacation live in.  Well, sonofabitch!
4. Rocky IV (1985)
The greatest fight in history, Rocky Balboa versus Ivan Drago, brings east and west together.  If Rocky can change, and YOU can change, then everybody can change... and it all goes down in Russia on Christmas Day!
3. Batman Returns (1992)
Leave it to Tim Burton to associate Christmas with people dressed up as bats, cats, and penguins.  And Christopher Walken.  That guy just screams Christmastime. 
2. Die Hard (1988)
Truth be told: I never liked Bruce Willis until I saw The Whole Nine Yards and heard his mayonnaise rant.  When I saw Die Hard, and Willis saved the day in his bare feet, I could finally appreciate him as an action hero.  Yippi-ki-yay, mother fucker.
1. Gremlins (1984)
Don't put them in the light... don't get them wet... and don't fucking feed them after midnight!  From the opening sequence with my very favorite Christmas song of all time ("Christmas [Baby, Please Come Home]" by Darlene Love) to the multi-Gremlin massacre around the Christmas Tree... this is just a pure gem.

- ryan of the ryan fan club

awwwww... his buddies are gonna tear up the city.

Undercover Santa

Undercover Santa
A classic, silly Christmas song, by yours truly with the help of Johnny San.

All I Want For Christmas...

...is just a little bit of thoughtfulness.

Long Live Ryan.

Where did the excitement go when it comes to Christmas presents?

Remember when you were a kid, and for some of you I'm sure it wasn't that long ago, there was always one present you opened on Christmas Day that was a big surprise?  I'm not talking about that one special item you put on top of your list to Santa (ie Uncle Jesse action figure) and you waited patiently for it until the 25th of December.

I'm talking about that one very thoughtful gift you never knew you wanted, but when you received it you couldn't possibly have ever lived without it before.

It seems we're all so concerned about filling someone's list.  Checking off items to appease each other and keep each other happy.  Or maybe because it's just easier that way.

Case in point - my dad visited me the other day while I was working.  I had casually mentioned to him the day before that I'd like to have Bob Saget's book, "Dirty Daddy".  This was our conversation:

"Hi son.  That book... what section of the bookstore is it in?"

"Comedy."

"Good good.  Do you know how much it is?"

"I dunno. Probably twenty-five bucks or so."

"Good... so listen, if Dana asks you what you want for Christmas... don't let her get you that book."

"B" is for thoughtfulness.

And so, just like that, I knew exactly what I'm getting for Christmas this year.

When I first moved out on my own, that first Christmas away, my parents wrapped up a box of pancake mix and a bottle of Aunt Jemima syrup.  It was one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given and I still think about it today.  I didn't need fancy electronics or new jeans.  I need some goddam pancakes.

I actually spend too much time doing my Christmas shopping.  I rarely just grab something off the shelf just because it's the $9.99 price point and easy to wrap.  I said "rarely" because there is one person I have to shop for that every year I go out of my way to buy them the stupidest, most pointless thing I can find... but even that takes a bit of thoughtfulness.  Seriously, I put a lot of thought into buying something pointless (to me) and they end up loving it every year.

Even my wonderful wife is guilty of checking off items on a list.  She'll ask me what I want and then tell me I'm very difficult to shop for.  In all truth, I am the type of person who will just go and buy something if I want it.  I'm a very spur-of-the-moment consumer.  This is no joke, if there's a package of peanut butter cups by the cash register I'll buy it.  If there's something Aerosmith-related by the cash register and I don't already have it, I'll buy six of them.  If I already have it, I might just grab one in case my house gets broken in to  and that item is stolen before I can get home.

But I always tell my lovely wife how easy I am to shop for.  I'm a marketer's dream.  Just slap a Bruins "B" or the Aerosmith "A" or a Superman "S" on a cup, keychain, drum sticks, bottle opener, or nuclear warhead and I'll love it as a gift.  Now that I put that to writing, I might just be a sucker for things with a letter associated in their logo.
Note: I have a pair of Aerosmith drum sticks but I do not own a drum kit, nor do I know how to play that instrument.  I can see them from where I'm sitting in my Fan Cave, and though I know they have no use to me whatsoever I love them dearly.

I drawed this up real good.

I also like stars and the color pink.  A gift for me could be pink underwear.  Or underwear with stars as a pattern.  Or... now get this... pink underwear with stars on them!  Now that I've made those three suggestions, I kinda hope I don't end up with any of those as gifts - that would be just like checking it off a list of something I have almost predetermined myself to have. 

Also, it's a well known fact that I like to draw.  A gift for me could be a new sketchbook.  Or some pencils.  Or a beautiful naked woman that will live in my basement and act as a model for me whenever I feel like drawing.  She could live off a diet of spaghetti and water.  I'm sure she would like it.  And I'm pretty sure that isn't illegal if it's a gift.  I don't really know.

So, in closing, all I really want for Christmas is some thoughtfulness.  And an Uncle Jesse action figure.

- ryan