I've been on and off about Superman in the New52. And after checking out the first chapter of the new Superman run by Geoff Johns and John Romita Jr, I decided to let it stew on my mind before making a decision about what I thought.
You see, Superman is my all-time favorite super-hero. That all started when I was just a little Ryan Fan Club, and even in the 90's when it wasn't cool to like the Man of Steel (not that it's really cool now either) I still put him at the top of my list. Then in the early 00's I lost interest, felt like the writers were running out of quality ideas, and stopped reading those super comics on a regular basis.
Right before DC Comics launched the New52, Geoff Johns and Gary Frank did a Superman: Secret Origin story that I really enjoyed. Sure, it was really nostalgic and made Superman look like Christopher Reeve, and that's probably what I liked so much about it.
Then the New52 came about and tried to make Superman a little cooler with the kids these days. Boy, I sound like an old fuck just by writing that.
The New52 Superman started out really good, and I seriously dug Jesus Merino's art on the title. Ken Rocafort's art was really stylized and interesting too. But I couldn't keep myself reading that comic on a monthly basis. No matter how good the stories were (H'El On Earth was excellent), it never really felt like I was reading Superman. MY Superman.
When it was announced the Geoff Johns would be writing Superman again I decided I'd check it out. And John Romita Jr was advertised as a "Superstar artist taking on the Man of Steel". I've never been a big fan of his work, but then I also didn't read many Marvel Comics as a kid.
So what do I think of Romita's Superman?
It's interesting. Romita's art style is pretty unique but doesn't necessarily fit the character. The sketchy way Romita draws Superman doesn't really feel like Superman to me. On first glance, my initial reaction is, wow, what an ugly looking guy; good thing he has all those super powers to impress the ladies with. It's also important to note that Romita is being inked by Klaus Janson for Superman, and I'm a firm believer that artwork changes drastically depending on who is inking it.
But here's the thing: there's something about Romita's storytelling... and I mean the actual sequential artwork... that really suits Superman. It's fast and full of movement. Superman is a man of action, right? Well, even on pages that are just intended as plot-building there's a sense of movement and action just in the dialogue and conversation. I think a lot of artists out there could learn a lesson from Romita about pace and flow.
I'm going to reserve judgement for now though. After all, they're only one issue into their run. To be perfectly honest though, I saw the advertisements and thought I'd hate it. After reading the first chapter I'm kind of intrigued.
Top 11 Things I Love About Summer
11. Hot Fudge Sundaes at DQ after a long day at work. 10. Scantily clad young women walking around in public.
9. That moment when you're out and about downtown and someone drives by slowly, blaring GnFnR's "Sweet Child O' Mine" out of their car, thus signalling the true start of summer.
8. Having a BBQ, like my Annual "No Vegans Allowed BBQ".
7. Being able to wear sandals all day long.
6. The arousing aroma of Hawaiian Tropic sunscreens and tanning lotions.
5. Sitting on a pub patio with good friends and having good pints of beer. 4. When the ice cream man comes through your neighborhood and you lose your shit like Eddie Murphy in Delirious, shouting "ICE CREAM" and singing the "I Got Some Ice Cream Song", and everyone who got ice cream too joins in because, let's face it, everyone knows the words to that classic.
3. It's not winter, there's no snow, and I don't have to wear big and heavy coats/boots.
2. A day trip to the beach, to gaze at the beautiful young women in their bikinis and swimsuits.
1. Road hockey.
Top 11 Things I Hate About Summer
11. Long line-ups in the heat for Hot Fudge Sundaes at DQ, and when they skimp out on the fudge.
10. Scantily clad women who shouldn't be showing off what leftovers the good lord gave them.
9. That moment when you get in your buddy's car to go anywhere and they roll down their windows and begin blaring some shitty Keith Urban song.
8. Having a BBQ for your friends and not realizing you're out of propane, and whoops - anywhere that can refill it for you has closed down for the day.
7. After waring sandals all day long you realize your feet are, in fact, quite smelly. And so does the person you're trying to have hot, drunk, summertime sex with. Uh-oh!
6. The sunburn you get because instead of putting on the Hawaiian Tropic sunscreens and lotions you became distracted with smelling the bottles. 5. Sitting on a pub patio with good friends and being embarrassed by the fact that they're drinking (and really excited about drinking) a shitty "beer" like Bud Light Lime.
4. When the ice cream man comes through your neighborhood and you lose your shit, but then you reach into your pocket only to find that you don't have any cash because you pay for everything with Debit or Visa, so you offer the ice cream man a hand job in exchange for even a slightly melted Rocket - and he still turns you down.
3. Everyone who just spent six months complaining about how bad winter was are now complaining about the heat, the humidity, the roads, the electric bill they'll get because of their air conditioner, and/or all the little kids playing in the streets.
2. A day trip to the beach, but stuck in the "Dog Area" because one friend insisted on bringing their dog with them, and the only people who you see are other people who brought stupid dogs and nobody is having any fun at all. And bikinis? Nowhere to be seen... unless you count the idiot that bought a tiny one for their idiot dog.
1. Golf. I really fucking hate golf.
I know you're probably really busy saving the world right now from that red dude with the big Z on his head, but my wife and I are in dire need a babysitter this weekend.
You see, Rick Astley is in town for his "Still Never Gonna Give You Up" world tour, and it's something we really don't want to miss out on.
We've had other babysitters, and yeah, they've been great.
But there's just so much darned danger in the world these days that we think our child would be best left in the hands of you Pink Ranger.
If a burglar came into the house you could give him a big karate kick. At bedtime you could recount your adventures to our daughter as a nighttime story. I understand that you've got a commitment to your Power Ranger team, but honestly, there's like a dozen of you jumping around fighting the bad guys all at once, isn't there? I'm sure they could do without you for a couple hours on a Saturday night.
The wifey thinks I've selected you, Pink Ranger, because you're the best looking girl on your team, but I assure you that I've already gone over the list of your qualifications with her, and this isn't some cheap attempt to have a college girl in our place at late hours of the night while I leave the liquor cabinet unlocked.
That thought didn't even cross my mind.
We pay babysitters pretty decently, and we should really only be gone for three hours. Four at the most. I mean, we're gonna try and hang out backstage with Mr. Astley but we're not counting on it. Our daughter isn't one of those bubble kids either. You know the kind - they can't eat anything, breathe anything, do anything, or be placed in direct sunlight. She's an easy going kid. And she's potty trained.
Also, it's open season on the food in the refrigerator. Help yourself to whatever you'd like to eat.
Please let us know right away if you're available. We also asked Sailor Moon, and she said she could, but you're our number one choice.
Go on... say it... YO RYAN! WHAT WENT ON DURING YOUR STAYCATION?
Well, let me tell you. It was quite a fun week away from the ordinary. I started my week off on a winning note, as my hockey team The Avengers shut out the purple team for another big victory. Then, in true team fashion we piled into a pub and celebrated our victory. After a mere three hours sleep later, I was volunteering my time at the Relay For Life event. What's really awesome, aside from all the money that was raised for the Cancer Society, was how I got to host/judge the Annual Rooster Call at the crack of dawn. There were some pretty cool roosters that day. I originally had planned on a nap after that, but I got home at 7:30 in the morning and was fully awake. So I grabbed Dana and Ryleigh and we had a mini-road trip to this place called Pirate Park.
I'm not gonna lie; Pirate Park was fucking awesome. Sure, it's meant for kids, but get this - they have this giant play structure (slides, swings, pole, bridges, hiding spots) and it's designed to look like a giant pirate ship! I felt like a kid again as Ryleigh had me trampling all over the thing with her.
No rest for the wicked (and I'm super wicked awesome crazy cool) meant that I was playing another game of hockey with the Avengers on Sunday. We got spanked pretty hard in that one... lost by like eight goals or something really embarrassing. On the plus side, I finally got my first penalty ever - for cross-checking a guy in the shoulders. To be honest, I was aiming for his head but he's kind of a fat dude and my reach wasn't long enough to get around his girth.
Fun with Ryleigh continued during the whole week. She painted my toenails black, took me shopping for her friend's birthday present, did crafts with me, and serenaded me with "Let It Go" from Frozen. She must've sang that tune three hundred times over the span of the week. And yet somehow I still don't know all the words. Oh, and there was definitely ice cream trips in there too.
This past week was also bursting with creativity. I'm giving credit to this to Ryleigh painting my toenails. I used to do that myself back in 2003, and when she painted mine it's like I was instantly zapped back into a zany part of me I had forgotten about. Not only did I make a new story time video for Ryan's Inappropriate Alphabet Book For Intermediate Readers, but I also did some blogging, some writing, some drawing, and fashioned my likeness into a paper bag puppet. I'm both awesome AND ri-goddam-diculous! At the same time!
I had plenty of free time to do some soul searching this week too. I thought a lot about happiness - what makes me happy, what keeps me from being happy, how I make other people happy... and then I settled those thoughts with a few pints of Banana Bread Beer. I also tasted Trooper for the first time. It's the Iron Maiden beer. I was really looking forward to it, and it wasn't bad but it also wasn't great.
Then something dreadful happened. It rained for three days straight. That's a great way to spend a vacation... in the rain. But did that stop me? No way, dude. I convinced my dad to spend an afternoon in the gloomy greyness of summer, eating poutine in the park and visiting Adam at the comic book store. As the rain was starting to clear up, I had to play more hockey with the Avengers. We lost to the same team that spanked us earlier in this blog post, but we played much better. Not good enough to win though, and since my in-game performance was so poor Coach Senor Dilworth informed me that I would be relegated to defense for our next game. Thems the breaks. After the game meant more beer and a free munchies platter. Apparently when you have a whole team go out for beer you're entitled to a free munchies platter! Hot diggidy dog! But it makes me wonder how you're supposed to ask for such a free platter when you arrive. I mean, you don't want to seem like a total douche bag... "Where's that free munchies platter I'm totally entitled to that I'm not even paying for?"... "No, no, no, the paying customers can wait while you put together my munchies platter." Truth be told, I do have a rude side - but not that kind of rude. I don't like feeling entitled. My rude is the, "hey everyone, look at that doggy poo on the ground!"
As my time off came to a close, I took Ryleigh to Red Beard's Annual Day Before Father's Day Sale. It's pretty much the coolest sports memorabilia shop in town, and the day before father's day, they put everything in the store on sale for half price. Each year I treat myself to a new Bruins sweater (I have twelve now, and Ryleigh has three) and this year she got to take part in my self treatment. The best part was when she saw a family of four perusing the Montreal Habs swag, and she pointed at them in disgust and said, "Look daddy, those people like the Bad Guys!"
Happy Friday the 13th! This day always makes us think of one of the greatest movie bad guys ever (JASON!) and I had the pleasure of meeting and getting choked by the actor who played him a few years back. But we all know that a great bad guy could have been a good guy at any point, and they just stumbled in one small step. Hmmmm.....so we all know the story of good ol' Mr. Jesus. For those of you who don't, here's a quick recap...
"Rocketed to Earth as an infant from the doomed
planet Krypton, Kal-El was adopted by the loving Kent family and raised
in America's heartland as Clark Kent. Using his immense solar-fueled
powers, he became Superman to defend mankind against all manner of
threats while championing truth, justice and the American way!"
Oops, that's the story of Superman. That story is way cooler anyway.
Okay, here's the basics, Jesus is born (thus giving us lots of presents on Christmas Day) and then dies for the sins of everyone else. He is then resurrected and... hey, this happened to Superman too back in '92.
Anyway, I got to thinking... what if Jesus came back as a bad guy instead of the savior of all mankind? No really, what if his spirit took one look at our useless planet and said, "Fuck it. I'm getting me a gun and whooping some ass. Maybe rob a bank while I'm at it." Hell, Hulk Hogan turned bad for a while in the late 90s and everyone thought he was pretty cool for doing so.
So here's a couple ideas I toyed with. And lo and behold, when I searched for them on google, there were already lots of pictures from people who are clearly as brilliant as me.
Jesusbeard The Pirate
Okay, let's not kids ourselves here... I really just dig the idea of Jesus with an eye patch. That would be pretty damn bad ass. Jesusbeard, the scourge of the seven seas, captains the majestic pirate ship Magdalene and plunders small towns for their jewels, their women, and their women's jewels. He is a fine connoisseur of swords and words that start with the letter "S". He is no stranger to the rum, and once gave Captain Morgan a bloody nose just for the hell of it. It's rumored that Keith Richards based his mannerisms and style after Jesusbeard The Pirate.
J2: Judgement Day
...and thus as Jesus was placed on the cross he uttered those famous words, "I'll be back."
And came back he did! The J2 is a cybernetic organism from the future, where war is raged between non-believing humans and Religious Robotic Warriors, hell-bent on restoring faith and Catholicism to the masses. Those who refuse to believe will be crushed by the J2. But when the humans begin to turn the tides in the war, one J2 robot is sent back to our present day to stop the leader of the human revolution (as a child) from discovering free thinking, heavy metal, and internet pornography. Who will save the day?
Skelejesus
Who said that the son of God had to be resurrected on our planet? How do we know that Jesus didn't come back on Eternia, where he decided to learn the mystic dark magics and form a gaggle of idiot henchmen to aid him in capturing Castle Greyskull?
And, uh-oh! Look who just so happened to decide and try to stop Skelejesus, but He-Rod!
It kinda makes sense when you think about it. On the He-Man cartoon, Skeletor really wanted inside Castle Greyskull. Almost like he was charged by God to do so. There must be something really nifty inside Greyskull.
Zombie Jesus
What could be more frightening than a zombie son of God that wants to eat your flesh and brains?
TWO ZOMBIE JE... what's the plural of Jesus anyway?
And that's where I'll end this little blog.
If you've been offended, then you get offended a little too easily. Thank you to the creative artists who made these pictures and put them on the internet so I could use them here. I'd totally get that Skeletor one on a t-shirt.
Until next time, remember to say your prayers, train hard, and eat your vitamins.
- ryan
...Did I ever tell you about the time I climbed a boulder?
There it was, a big 9 foot tall boulder, full of life and love and ready to be discovered by yours truly. The only thing is, I didn't actually discover it. It was discovered by the Romans in 1947. I know that seems silly considering Rome was burnt down way way back in time, but it's how I remember it.
So anyway, I walked up to this boulder and believe it or not (go ahead and believe it, it makes the story better) there was a little troll in front of it. Upon closer inspection, the troll wasn't actually a troll, but a troll look-a-like by the name of Roberto.
Roberto, that's a funny name for a troll look-a-like if I ever heard one, but sure enough that's what his little name tag said. "Roberto. Boulder Inspector and Host Extraordinaire."
He looked me up and down and said, "Hey there Jesus, we've been expecting you. Your table is ready, but none of the guests have arrived yet." He went on to inform me that the tab had been previously arranged and paid for by the city of Tuscon. He also let me know that my dinner entree was boiled chicken. All of this seemed strange to me, considering I was just walking down the street and saw this boulder. I had no clue that I was expected for a dinner party, or that I would be meeting a troll look-a-like named Roberto.
"You'll have to climb that boulder all the way to the top in order to get to your table," said Roberto.
The boulder was smooth. Not smooth like butter or a baby's behind, but more smooth like Tom Selleck was in "3 Men And A Baby." Still, the boulder wasn't nearly as smooth as Tom Selleck was in "3 Men And A Little Lady." It was clear to me that Roberto The Troll Look-A-Like Boulder Inspector and Host Extraordinaire took his job seriously and maintained that boulder with pride and a blue-collar attitude.
So I climbed it. With my bare hands.
Let's not kid ourselves, it was only nine feet high.
When I got to the top I was greeted by nobody. The table was set, the boiled chicken was cooled off to a less than desirable eating temperature, and the guests were nowhere to be seen. Instead, a note was left for me in dainty little black n' white envelope.
The note read: we regret to inform you that today's dinner guests have decided to skip out on dinner to attend a formal training seminar on Boulder Inspection and Hosting in Extraordinary Ways at the Tuscon Institute For Troll Look-A-Likes. If interested in joining, please bring three dollars and ninety-nine cents to the top of the twelve foot tall boulder on the west side of town. Sincerely, The City of Tuscon.
You see, Superman is my all-time favorite super-hero. That all started when I was just a little Ryan Fan Club, and even in the 90's when it wasn't cool to like the Man of Steel (not that it's really cool now either) I still put him at the top of my list. Then in the early 00's I lost interest, felt like the writers were running out of quality ideas, and stopped reading those super comics on a regular basis.
