Top 11 New Album Titles I Won't Be Using

So I've been getting asked by many Ryan-Fans about this new CD I'm putting together.  So far, so good.
No, that's not the title.  This isn't a 1993 Bryan Adams Greatest Hits compilation.

The biggest question I've been getting asked is, "What's the name of the new album?"  Well, the project doesn't have a name yet.  There are a few I've been toying with, such as "Swag", "Hard", and "Toxika" (the latter named for my cat who died in 2001), but here's a list of eleven album titles I certainly won't be using.
Enjoy.

11. "The Alaskan Pipeline"
Look up what that means on Urban Dictionary, and you'll see why I even thought about using it as a title.

10. "Ryan Fan Club (feat. Englebert Humperdink) Presents Classic Re-Interpretations of Ritchie Valens Songs"
Now this one is a great title, but it's kind of on the long side.  Any radio announcer talking about the album would waste half their day on just the title.

9. "No Room For The Sofa"
I originally planned on calling the "Friggidy Ding-Dong" album this, but ended up just using the phrase as a lyric in that song.


8. "Raditude"
I WAS going to use this title once upon a time too, but someone named Weezer beat me to it.  God, I hate them.

7. "God, I Hate Weezer"
It's catchy and all, but you'd end up accidentally illegally downloading that stupid sweater song while searching for torrents of my album.  I wouldn't want to subject you to that song.


6. "The Blonde Leading The Blonde"
... mmmmmmm.... dirty thoughts....

5. "Six"
At some point, most artists name an album based on how many albums they've made.  Kravitz did it.  STP did it.  Zeppelin unofficially did it.  I won't be doing it any time soon.  At least not until "17".

4. "Offside"
This was almost the name of my "Very Best Of" collection from a couple years ago.  I play a lot of street hockey, so it appealed to me.  And the silly, rude songs were kind of "offside" too - if you catch my drift.

3. "Spaceballs The Concept Album - By Ryan Fan Club"
Yeah, I could turn that classic film into a Broadway musical.  "...I need a million spacebucks and I'm feeling kinda blue-ish. I can get it from a Princess who doesn't look Druish..."  and so on, and so on.

2. "Skeletora-tora-tora!"
If you say that one three times fast, you'll open up a magic portal to a far away land...


1. "The Pink Album"
It's just a little too obvious, given my love of the color and all things associated with it.  With the connotations that go along with the color and it's relation to a woman's vagina, I might as well just call the album "Crosby" and have a big, hairy beaver crying next to a dam that's fallen apart.

And that's that!

Creative Validation

Remember that part in Superman: The Movie where Jonathon Kent takes young Clark on that walk down the dirt driveway to give him a life lesson on outrunning trains in public?

Well, he uses a phrase that has often stuck with me when I'm alone with only my own thoughts, "... a man gets a little older, and he starts thinking differently..."

That phrase has been coming up in my mind quite a bit lately.

As you already know, I'm putting together a new album of songs, and I've gotten older and I'm thinking differently.  Maybe being a father does that to you, maybe it's a longing for something knew, or maybe I just don't want to be known as "the guy who sang that 'I Have A Penis' song".  For what it's worth, I loved all that old music I made and still listen to most of it from time to time.  Now, I've never felt the need to be taken seriously as an "artist" or a "songwriter" before. And seriously, people who refer to themselves as "singer/songwriters" just need a punch in the mouth.  Labelling myself has never really been my thing, but if I had to, it would fall into some "entertainer" category.

Always good for a laugh, even if at my own expense.

Part of me thinks this new album, while still un-titled, is some sort of creative validation.  Like I'm trying to prove to myself that I can write "real" songs about "real" ideas.  Or am I trying to prove it to others?  Some of my amazing Ryan-Fans may remember the first batch of tunes I ever released.  Do "Raining In June" or "I Don't Know Why" ring a bell?  Maybe not.  After all, I got so self-consumed in friggidy-impotence-pizza-monkey-spanking-fat-chick type songs that I tucked all those old, "real" songs under the carpet.  Part of me is writing this new album just to show my wife, who will never listen to it anyway, that "hey, see, I can do this if I want to".

I wonder if the guys in Metallica ever wanted to do an album of children's songs, but never did it because, fuck, they're Metallica.  They HAVE to do Metallica-type songs. 

So far, this new album of mine has about 4 complete songs and 6 more in the works.  They aren't funny, but that doesn't mean they aren't fun.  My guitarist, Shane, used the word "novelty" when describing my last couple of albums.  It makes sense, but imagine the motions you go through when someone refers to your creativity as a novelty act.  Whoa, deep breath, just cause you don't like hearing it doesn't mean it ain't right.

New songs are called Menage A Moi, Bootleg Me, Dirty Blooze, Sinking Slow, Lightning Skies (Never Enough), Cocktails And Dreams, and ... well, I don't want to give too much away too soon.  The sound?  Imagine a Chili Peppers/Cult thing going on.  Much different than the description of "imagine the Kids In The Hall had a baby with C&C Music Factory" that I used for the Friggidy CD.

I'm having more fun than ever making music, and I'm more inspired to create than ever before.

I guess what I'm getting at here, is if you're looking for creative validation the only place you'll really find it is within yourself.  A million people can enjoy what you do, but if you're not diggin' it then what's the point?

The crazy part is, when I was younger, I didn't think all that much differently.