Maple Leafs - This Is Their Year...

I'm a huge fan of the Boston Bruins, but 2011-12 is the Toronto Maple Leafs' year to go to the Stanley Cup Final.

And here's why:

All other Canadian teams have come close and almost had Lord Stanley's Cup withing grasp...

Last year, the Vancouver Canucks got to the final but couldn't stop the Bruins.  The year before that, Montreal made it to the semi-final but couldn't go all the way.

From 2004 to 2007 the Ottawa Senators, Calgary Flames, and Edmonton Oilers all made respectable runs to the Cup Final, only to be beaten by an American team.

Quite simply, this year is the Maple Leafs' year to blow it for the nation.

Sorry Leafs fans... but it's best that you don't get your hopes too high anyway.

Top 11 2nd Generation Aerosmith Songs You Probably Don't Know

Last night I was watching Storage Wars, and Barry took some guitars he accquired to Brad Whitford of Aerosmith.  Being a HUGE Aerosmith fan, this got me excited about their new album coming out next Spring.

Permanent Vacation
1987

You see, Aerosmith sorta left a bad taste in a lot of people's mouths back in 1998 with that I Don't Wanna Kiss Your Thing song.

Now, I won't say I hate that song - but I've never been a fan of the backlash the band took because of it.  Most of the criticism suggested Aerosmith didn't know how to rock anymore.  So today I'm picking 11 of their most rockin' songs from 1987-2001 that you probably don't know because they were never big ballad hits like Crazy, Cryin', and Angel were.  Enjoy.

11. What Kind Of Love Are You On? (1998)
This tune was also featured on the Armageddon soundtrack, along with I Don't Want To Miss A Thing.  Originally written for the Nine Lives album, you may have actually heard this one on the radio a few times during the summer of '98 while the band was riding the wave of their first and only #1 hit single.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

10. Fever (1993)
Some of the best 2nd Generation Aerosmith songs were about their reflecting on their years of drug use.  It's a pumping rock song with a twangy feel to it, and some great lyrics.  The funny part is, this song was later covered by Garth Brooks, who changed the lyrics a bit (or a lot, depending on who you ask). 
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

Pump
1989

9. Won't Let You Down (2001)
This song was the B-Side to Jaded, from the album Just Push Play... and I've often wondered why it never made the album while songs like Trip Hoppin' did.  I guess you'll have to listen for yourself.  It also features Steven Tyler's first use of the lyric, "If You See Kay...".
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

8. The Farm (1997)
Probably the most bizarre Aerosmith song of their second generation, The Farm includes samples from the Wizard of OZ.  Again, more reflection on drug use here.  Nine Lives was a pretty solid album.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

7. Beyond Beautiful (2001)
You may recognize this one if you avidly played the Guitar Hero: Aerosmith game.  It was one of four or five 2nd generation Aerosmith songs to make it into the game, which relied heavily on stuff from the 70s.  This was the opening track to the Just Push Play LP, and it made me believe on first listening that album would rock.  It didn't, but at least the first song did.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

Get A Grip
1993

6. Flesh (1993)
I think when people listened to Get A Grip back in '93 and '94 this song was often skipped because of the long intro.  But once it kicks in, it rocks - and it has one of my favorite Aero-lyrics ever: "The prince of lust hast met his match/ the witch has brewed her baddest batch/ his sword is sharp and hard as stone/ her cauldron begs for one more bone."  Really, it's not surprizing this little ditty got lost on an album that featured the Alicia Silverstone Trilogy of videos.  Give this one a serious listen soon.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

5. Hangman Jury (1987)
Whoa boy, dontcha line the track-a-lacka!  It's the song that got me interested in playing harmonica.  It's the song that the cool kids from the 70's liked too.  It's the song that gets everyone excited when played live.  And back in the day of records and tapes, it's the coolest Side B opening track ever.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

4. Monkey On My Back (1989)
Yes, another track reminiscing about drug use... but Joe Perry's slide guitar has never been better than it is here.  The drums kick ass, and there's even an F-Bomb dropped in it.  The Pump album was a monster LP of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.  It spawned four hit singles, but the other six tracks were just as good... a couple of them were even better.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

Nine Lives
1997

3. Attitude Adjustment (1997)
I always thought this song should've been released as a single. 
Nine Lives was a killer classic rock album.  If there was any downside to it, it's that there was just one too many ballads on it.  The beginning of this song is actually a sped-up rewind of the song.  Pretty neat, eh?  The riff is a hook, and the lyrics are easy to identify with.  It doesn't seem to be about drug use either.  Once again, Steven drops an F-Bomb, with the clever "excusé-fuckin-moi".  Maybe that's why it never went to radio.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

2. F.I.N.E.* (1989)
This song IS Aerosmith.  I can't think of any song from any album that better defines what this band is all about: loud guitars, dirty sex lyrics dsiguised as double-entendres, thumping drums, lyrics about lady parts, big fat-ass bass, and lyrics about doin' the dirty.  I've already mentioned how great the Pump album was... it's a contender with Rocks for Best Aero-Album Ever.  F.I.N.E.* is the song your mom didn't want you to listen to.  It makes you wanna get a leather jacket, and a cool car, then buy a box of condoms only to throw them away before gettin' it on with your date... who's name you don't even know.  It's just rock n' roll.
Oh, and F.I.N.E. stands for Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. 
Awesome.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

Just Push Play
2001

1. Head First (1993)
If F.I.N.E.* is the quintessential Aerosmith song, then what the hell could possibly top it on this list?  Head First, the B-Side to "Eat The Rich", is the perfect example of the Aerosmith groove.  It's a hard rock song that you can get up and move to - which, if you read the liner notes of the very first Aerosmith record from 1973, is what the band is all about.  And since this list is about songs you probably don't know, I bet you probably also didn't know that Head First was the first song to be offered for download via the internet all the way back in 1994.  Yup, you could download it for free off the Aerosmith website.  True, it was a .wav file that took about thirteen hours to download on those dial-up modems, but the greatness of the song was probably worth the wait.  The track showed up on the Young Lust and Gold compilations, which are pretty easy to find these days.  It certainly won't take you thirteen hours of looking online for it.
Click here to listen to the song on YouTube

And that's the list!  I hope you all enjoyed listening to some of my favorite Aerosmith songs with me today.  If I've left off a song that you think just rocks your socks off (and you're probably right - most of them do) then put a link to it in the comments below.  I never get tired of talking about my favorite band with my fans.

PC Products That Don't Exist

I'm a pretty big fan of the President's Choice Brand.  Quite sometime ago I did a big rant on their Ballpark Hot Dog flavored potato chips.  A bit too relish-y, but still something very different.  I really dig their "LOADS OF" funky ice creams, granola bars, cookies, etc etc etc.

PC Loads Of Chocolaty Peanut Butter Treats Ice Cream... I'm drooling, just thinking about it - and today is the first day of snow... I shouldn't want ice cream.

Advertising that your product has LOADS of something awesome in it is brilliant, so when I came across these, I had to share.

I hope PC offers a "Loads of Orgasms" line of condoms and a "Loads of Hair Replacement For Male Pattern Baldness" shampoo soon.  They'd conquer the market with those.

I'd buy them.

The New Retro Muppets

We're now only three days away from the most sensational, inspirational, muppetational film of the year - The Muppets

If you'd asked me to get excited about a new Muppet movie a few years back, I would've said, "No, thank you," and then put on my LP of the original Muppet Movie soundtrack.

Just why are there so many songs about rainbows anyway...?

The Muppets version of Wizard of OZ was an honest attempt, and that Letters To Santa DVD tried it's best too, but since the passing of Jim Henson in 1990 most Muppet adventures just didn't feel the same.

It wasn't until I'd heard that Jason Segel was involved with the new Muppet film that I got really excited.  His puppeteering in Forgetting Sarah Marshall was brilliant.  Actually, that entire flick was brilliant.  I just knew Segel could take what was so lovable about Kermit and gang in the first place and apply it to the year 2011.

In a world where most kids movies rely heavily on CGI, how could the Muppets possibly fit in?

Well, in watching re-runs of the classic Muppet Show on DVD, it becomes pretty clear the show was really for adults but done so with a child-like magic.

The Muppets have always been about charm.  And if the previews for the new Muppets movie shows us anything, they've found a way to charm us again.

I'm excited.  And you should be too.

Solution: Lucic's Hit on Miller

You know, there's a big deal being made about Milan Lucic's hit on Ryan Miller from November 12, 2011.  It's up for debate from fans whether the goalie should be fair game if they come that far out of the crease... but the rules state that goalies shouldn't be hit.

Should Miller have been run down?  He was only trying to get the puck and make the save.

I think Roberto Luongo summed it up best during last year's Stanley Cup final when he said, saves are easy to make if you just stay in the paint.

Watch it for yourself.



So the NHL General Managers and owners are calling for more accountability against players who attack goalies.  It's hard to say if it will ever happen though.

They're overlooking the most obvious solution:

Remove their goalie's bones and replace them with something very hard like pewter or marble.  Then they can't be knocked down.  And nobody would even think of crashing into them.

It would also be one step closer to making real hockey like that classic Blades Of Steel game.  Watch what happens when someone crashes the goalie here:



Of course, if the NHL would just put the "2-line pass" rule back into effect then players wouldn't be going about a hundred and twenty miles per hour.  Is it just a coincidence that the amount of  career ending concussions have happened since the exclusion of the "2-line pass" rule?  That's a debate for another day.

Top 11 Things I Did While Retired...

Retirement is a funny thing.  How many times did Kiss retire?  Rocky Balboa returned nearly 20 yeras after Rocky V.  My mother is a retired telephone operator and she still answers the ringy-dingies when I call her.

Over the last ten months or so I've found myself itching to write.  I don't care so much about hocking T-shirts and thongs with my face on them anymore.  I'm not interetsted all that much in people filling out forms to be my "fans". 

But I do have a need to write.  And to share whatever crap is going through my mind. 

So call it what you want... an "un-retirement", if you will... I still get referred to as Mr. Fan Club by people (Dilworth, you know who you are)... so I'm gonna write and you're gonna read, just like it always was meant to be.

And what better way to re-start than with a Top 11 Things I Did While Retired...

11.  Dressed Up As Hulk Hogan for Hallowe'en
A couple summers ago I bought a vintage "Hulk Rules" shirt for a mere five bucks.  My wife claims it looks terrible on me, but I disagree.  Other than occassionally taking out the garbage with it on, I'd never found much of a use for the shirt.  That is, until Hallowe'en.  I even grew a nasty handlebar mustache to make the costume as real as I could.  Sadly, I never got a chance to drop the big leg on any of my enemies.

"...and the best there ever will be!"

But that wasn't my biggest wrestling related moment of this year...

10.  Put Orlicky in the Sharpshooter on the Road Hockey Court
Ever since I started playing road hockey four years ago, I've picked on my buddy Orlicky.  I do it mostly because he's a good sport about it, and lets me jersey him down to the ground.  Well, this time I may have gone a little too far (probably not) and made him tap out in the dreaded Sharpshooter.

9.  Scored my 300th goal in Road Hockey
...and speaking of Road Hockey, I hit a personal milestone this past summer by tallying my 300th all-time goal.  The weak little shot, assisted by Johnny San and Matt Dilworth, somehow beat Gary Rombough and hugged the back of the net.

8.  Made Friends With The Dog
No matter what my wife says, I do not love our dog.  I tolerate her mostly, and sometimes I even like her.  I'm referring to the dog, not my wife.  I love my wife.  If I didn't, she'd kill me.  But the dog and I do get along now for the most part, which is something I didn't think would happen.

7.  Found A New Appreciation For Batman...

6.  Watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray

I'd like to think that seeing Wampa creatures invade the Hoth Rebel base was well worth my $90 on it's own.  Even blu-ray couldn't save The Phantom Menace though.  I'm still dazzled that with all the deleted scenes in this collection, they never re-included the original Max Rebo musical number from Return of the Jedi.  After all, that scene really was deleted.

5.  Attended a "Video Games Live" concert for Free
Honestly, if I hadn't gotten tickets for free, I probably wouldn't have jumped at the chance to go.  But if you ever get a chance to see this live show, check it out.  It's lots of fun, and there was even a surprize appearance by that Asian dude who plays all the Super Mario music on piano.

4.  Took a Trip to the Nation's Capital
I really enjoy visiting Ottawa.  I like a lot of good people who live there.  So I took Dana there for a weekend getaway.  We visited the National Gallery and the Museum of Nature (cause that's the sort of thing you find yourself doing when you get older).  We also checked out some pubs, and I absolutely loved drinking at The Highlander pub.  They had Old Speckled Hen, my favorite, on tap!

3.  Celebrated a Stanley Cup Championship
It's a pretty big deal when your team wins the grand prize.  It's an even bigger deal when you're a Bruins fan and most of your friends are Montreal Canadiens fans.  As far as I was concerned, knocking the Habs out of the playoffs in the first round was enough glory for me.  Going on to beat the #1 ranked team in the league in the Stanley Cup was the icing on the cake.  And that night I celebrated with a tasty bottle of wine.

2.  Hosted a "No Vegans Allowed BBQ Party"
What's a BBQ without meat anyway?  This was a great chance for me to see a bunch of friends I hadn't seen in a long time.  Once you have a baby, you find yourself having to schedule little mini events to get everyone in the same place at the same time.  We drank a lot of beer, ate a lot of burgers and dogs, and had some great laughs.  And we completely excluded vegans from attending.

1.  Had A Baby
Okay, so Dana did most of the work on this one.  I did stand next to her in the delivery room and coach her on with inspirational quotes from Rocky movies.  Ryleigh Lorraine Ewing, my daughter, was born on April Fool's Day (of course!) and that day can once again be considered the greatest day of my life.
(note: April 1st was also the greatest day of my life when I was 9 years old and my dad took me to see Wrestlemania VI in Toronto)
Being a dad doesn't really change who you are, but it does change how you look at everything else around you.  It really is the best experience. She likes watching hockey, and loves when I "beep" her nose.
My little girl is the greatest thing in my world.  And I can't wait to take her to Wrestlemania someday.

Testing, Testing, 123

My two favorite girls.

They grow so fast

Where have all the days gone?